I'm so sad. Had a supply going on for days, and I gave W a 9oz BM bottle, and I went to start the laundry... Only returning to both of my girls in hysterics, and 2oz left in the bottle... Yup. 7oz spilled. Don't know how because when I gave it to her, the lid was tight (just like always). Changed them (C was asleep when W did it), put them in the other crib. Just so sad. I work so hard to pump, and I've done it for over 10 months, and this. Yes, it's one time and an accident learned, but that's almost an entire session. :(. Plus, I'm trying to wean them and myself, and this doesn't help my situation. Now, I'm set back, having to retreat back to every three hours to rebuild. Meanwhile, it'll be formula if needed, which I try to steer away from whenever possible. I feel worse when it happens to me because I should know better... Am I the only one who feels like this?!
(note: this took place/was written two weeks ago on 9/15/11)
OMG.
the girls had finishedBaby Signing Time (absolutely LOVE it; definitely, keeps my girls engaged!), and i look down to see Willow... covered in RED.
she spilled out my red sorbet smoothie (complimentary of blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, some juice concentrate, a bit of apple juice, and ice) all on the ground (didn't even hear it spill, and it's right by me, lol), and did i tell you i was in the middle of PUMPING? yup. so, in between pausing my pumping time (and, i was wearing that bra), grab some wet washcloths to wash her down (she still smells so fruity) and clean up the mess. she kept attempting to roll back into the mess and make it worse... of course, she succeeded in between my running to get more washcloths. YAY! lol.
so, i clean it up, and obviously, decided to change her... let's do the diapers, too, shall we? let's just change the whole outfits! got new outfits (so cute by the way... the ones that they wore getting their ears pierced), and i was stoked that they still fit into them since they're 6mo. and the girls are "technically" in 12mo. clothes. :)
i change Willow's (wet) diaper/clothes and meanwhile Bliss is making an escape for the exit(i had opened the door because it was INCREDIBLY nice outside (for AZ in sept.).
i gave W the bottle while i was changing her, and she was content.
Bliss' turn. i change her (poopy, with just one chunk of solid poop) diaper, and use two cloth wipes (they work wonders compare to the four i'd probably use with disposables). meanwhile, W kept trying to grab for her dirty diaper (even though that was a good few feet away and she was drinking her bottle). i kick that away... of course. her bottle was just about empty, so i grabbed the diapers, went to the kitchen to grab a BM bottle that i had just heated up in the bottle warmer (i've been able to pump a lot lately storing at night- more about that later).
i return, and lightly (not as bad as last time, but in a calmer tone) shriek...
no, Willow!
she had that chunk IN HER RIGHT HAND, playing with it like play-doh! i tried to grab it, but it split into two chunks, so i was trying to pick up the chunks as fast as possible, put them with the diapers in my hand, see that Bliss has ONE of the wipes in her hand, so i grab that, too (she HATED that, of course, shocker, right?) and take W into the bathroom, put the diapers on the toilet, wash her hands (so sudsy and thoroughly, lemme tell you), and i return for sissy to do the same thing again.
they were pretty upset with me. i wonder why. and, now homegirls are napping away... :)
at three months, my mom and aunt came to visit. naturally, we had to make a trip to my favorite CD store, Zoolikins. i liked my Bumkinsprefolds/Thirstiescovers and only used my prefolds/covers... at home and during the day. as i already said, they didn't absorb longer than 3 hours, so i wanted something with a longer absorbency. also, they were quite bulky when the girls "tried" to fit into their carseats in an upright position. i was using the Snappis, but didn't like them. the "fit" wasn't always the "right" fit for us. obviously, my eventual goal was to exclusively CD. so, we headed over to the store, and i was so excited... could this be when i was going to FINALLY get the diapers i really wanted???
we were there for a few hours. we were in luck- the store's owner and Bumkins' founder/ownerwas there. the time flew by so fast and we learned SO much about CD, tips, preferences, tricks, etc... we left SO informed with definite new insight! such a GREAT way to have spent our afternoon!
so, i told Jakki (the owner) my top THREE needs:
- CD my twins exclusively
- maximum absorbency (last longer than three hours)
- a nighttime diaper
with that information, mind you, remember, i wanted to CD my twins exclusively, i asked her about the bumGenius CD. i told her that's the one i wanted. i had friends who had the bG and loved them, so that's also what i wanted. i thought that i had my mind made up.
now, if you're unfamiliar with CD, then i'll give you a quick update: bG is like the SONY of TVs but for CD. it's like the GEICO for car insurance but for CD. when you HEAR about CD, you first/usually hear about bG. why? it was the first, or one of the first, and it's ALL over. with the advertisements, word-of-mouth, CD stores, on blogs... that's what people first hear about when it comes to CD.
[now, the last time i was at buybuyBABY(we're so LUCKY to have not one but two in AZ. why? it's a Bed Bath & Beyond, but for babies!!!), i saw that bG diapers were now being carried there!!! so awesome. same price, BUT, you can use coupons there (you know those $5 off coupons from BBB or the 20% off? yup, those. also, doesn't matter if they're expired. YUP. you're welcome. :)]
OR people hear about gDiapers because Babies 'R Us carries them (their only CD they carry, by the way). when i was looking at CD and i was at B 'R Us, i couldn't believe how *expensive* gDiapers were! all i thought was, how am i going to afford THOSE?! so, i kept looking for other affordable options.
anyway, back to my requests for Jakki to find me diapers suitable for my needs.
- below are videos to demonstrate how to use/the deets of the diaper. - i got these in Crushed Berries (a darkish pinkish purple) and Grape (purple- the color above doesn't do it justice... it's truly a grape purple!)- both BEAUTIFUL colors! - J suggested this for me for the adjustable elastic. (let's be frank: i have ONLY adjusted my *diapers* two times. yes, it's a brilliant concept that nobody else can use (she patented it), but i haven't nearly used the elastic as much as i thought i would.) also, comes with an extra elastic. - top-of-the-line product.
- i was impressed with how easy this diaper was to use. - ONLY comes in snaps (this is where i was introduced to snaps... more durability, but i'll blog about that later). - can last up to 14 hours overnight = perfect solution for a nighttime diaper!!! - a bit bulky once both inserts are in the diaper. - ONE-SIZE diaper... meaning, you can use it from NB to potty training = ONLY diaper you'll ever need to purchase! - quick drying time (the inserts are separate from the shell. often, i throw them in the washer with the inserts still in there, AND they fall out in the wash... sometimes they have fallen out, so i just pull out the inserts as i throw the diapers in the wash. so easy. takes < 2 minutes.) - this has contained the MOST blowouts of BLOWOUTS. i've never had them leak. have my girls maxed out the absorbency/ability of the diaper? absolutely. every stain has come out, and i've never had anything seep from the diapers (i had that in disposable diapers). - comes with two microfiber inserts (one short, one long), which can be dried separately (in the dryer while the diaper needs to be line-dried)! - the inner is laced with fleece, and the outside shell is waterproof. (i did have a problem and still do with the man-made fabric. my girls are quite sensitive to man-made fabric, which is why i have since then had to switch to a different type of diaper inner material. later, i'll blog about it.) - even so, this is still a GREAT diaper.
- got this one in white. :) (right, what was i thinking!? no, not at all. i remember the first time my girls pooped into it... no joke... because of the sun, EVERYTHING came OUT. can't even tell. AND, I GOT A WHITE ONE!) they do have BEAUTIFUL colors, though! we got white because i needed two, and they had other colors but just one. - this also is a ONE-SIZE diaper. - an AIO (All-In-One) diaper, which means that no inserts are needed. - J chose this one for me because even though it's an AIO diaper, it also has a "tongue" feature where the "insert" pops in/out for quicker drying time (even for an AIO!)!!! (this is my ONLY AIO diaper x2 because i don't like how long they take to dry compared to the pockets/prefolds/covers...) - the inner diaper is layered with bamboo (natural fibers which are BEST for a baby's skin) and the opposite side of the "tongue" is microfiber. - contains high-quality aplix closure (velcro), so it closely resembles a disposable diaper. - easy to use and great for people who need it be as EASY as possible (dads, grandparents, daycare, church). - not bulky at all. :) i put these on my girls when i don't want them to have a CD booty! ha ha ;) - can only last for about three hours... and, that's max. why? doesn't have high absorbency. i don't know why. if i could change one thing about this diaper, then i would change that. definitely NOT an overnight diaper. an option? you can place more inserts in there. however, i did that (placed an extra microfiber insert), and even though, it still maxed out at 4 hours. :( - have i ever had blowouts with this diaper? no. it has kept EVERYTHING in, but sometimes when i've opened the diaper, it's COMPLETELY full. :)
- would i recommend it? absolutely. is it for long periods of time? no way.
- a Planet Wise Wet Bag (medium)
(i wanted one since the last visit, BUT i didn't foresee myself going anywhere at first- traveling with CD, i mean- so, i didn't get it. i love that this bag. the fabric is adorable, and its liner separates from the inner liner... so there are two layers. i did think that this was pricey at $16.95, however i did find cheaper ones later on...)
when we left, we were SO excited to try our diapers for the first time!!! :)
(note: well, they started army crawlingonMonday, August 29th, and they DEFINITELY showed me that they know how to do it. i guess they surpassed the norm. they only sit up supported, haven't fallen face forward to get in position, but just started to army crawl...)
can it be only 11 o'clock?!
the girls and i have been awake since a little past 8, and here's what we've accomplished:
- playing and moving around in their play area here at my parents' house
- Mama updating some hilarious baby incidents on FB
- putting the laptop on the ground, and the girls start coming towards it, so i brilliantlythought,let's Skype.
- so, Skyping with Tati
- Willow has a loose-poopy (BM mustardy with a bit of solids/formula in it) diaper, so we keep Skyping as mama changes it (which Willow thinks its then time for her "rolling over" gymnastics' routine), i set the diaper aside in a bucket as i proceed to change Bliss' diaper.
- gab asks me why our daughter's still naked as i attempt to keep Willow from banging on the keys on the computer. (apparently, she thinks that's how we type emails to Tati.)
then, here's what happens in less than two minutes:
- we end our Skype convo, and in the moment that i'm trying to finish Bliss' diaper change, Willow moved towards the diaper in the bucket (at least two, three feet away), grabs it, and i look over to find the diaper ALL over her...
- i shriek, "no, Willow!" and she starts to cry... then, i see some (yes) *ahem* "stuff" on her top lip, her left arm, her right arm... by the computer... oh boy! had to move fast!!!
- quickly, i grabbed a wet soapy cloth and attempt to clean it up, but see that Bliss is still naked, and i wanted to put on some lotion/cream on her body. however, Bliss would rather have my California Baby Diaper Area Wash, so i kick that out of the way (at least four, five feet this time), grab Willow to clean her up, and meanwhile, Bliss' STILL army crawling going for that CB spray WITH her naked booty!!! she was DETERMINED. i got it away from her for good, and she, of course, was upset. yay!
- i was so nervous that Bliss was going to... you know... take care of her bodily functions without the diaper (but, what's one more mess?).
- i felt so bad for Willow, but cleaned her up as good as new, ***finally*** changed Bliss' diaper, clothed her, gave her a bottle, put her blanket around her head, and homegirl is out cold. on the ground. like her sister the previous two days.
- clothed Willow, and put her in the back crib with a bottle since apparently her sissy decided to forego her sleeping arrangements and take advantage of the rock hard floor.
~silence~
OH BOY!!! i can't help but think- Did that really just happen?
a movie couldn't have scripted that better, and in the midst of everything, i just couldn't believe everything that kept happening while also chuckling a laugh that it was so bizarre! major domino effect!
definitely goes down in the books.
the adventures of twins, poopy diapers, multi-tasking, making quick, irrational decisions, and how-not-to-Skype!
positive:theyKNOW how to army crawlnow, my ADHD was maxed out!
when our girls were 5 weeks old, we decided that they were big enough to "fit" into CD since they must have been around 8lbs. (a guess.) up until that point, i knew, or thought (haha) i knew which type of CD we were eventually going to invest in. but, even though i really wanted to do this, my thinking was (as i've already mentioned this before)- are we REALLY going to follow-through with this after making such a huge investment? no matter how much we make an investment in something sometimes, there's always a chance that we don't follow through. it's a HUGE risk, considering the $ and time invested. i was determined to make it work, but still. forking all that $ over for... what? OMG, the chance that it doesn't work?
so, we started small. by small, i mean the price. our initial stash was from our local homegrown CD store, Zoolikins. below is the package that we had.
prefolds/covers
we started with the simplicity package- infant, which consisted of:
- 36Bumkins prefolds (the unbleached cotton fabric rectangles above)
- 6Thirstiescovers in the above colors
- 3Snappis (in lieu of the lovely diaper pins that the former generations used ;)
we ended up purchasing:
- four additional covers (thanks, mom!) in white (totally recommend it, although i was super nervous about the ~poop~ with it, haha) and bright blue.
- a couple of extra Snappis (purple for Willow Kate and pink for Coral Bliss, of course!).
- disposable liners(catches the poop? no way! we were hooked. do i recommend it for people just starting out? absolutely. it's a nice "introduction" to CD/poopy diapers. for months, i didn't use them, and i just started using them again. why? i was given 200 of them for free. :) why else? they do save "time/effort" when cleaning the diaper IF you're not immediately placing it in the wash OR it's formula/solids' poop. :) also, they are biodegradable! score!!! just so you know, though- do they cover the diaper and catch the entire waste? NO. but, they are a GREAT alternative to using a diaper spray or not wanting to fool with a poopy diaper.)
- a diaper spray(i already planned on this, but my hubby said that if we were going to CD, then this would be a necessity- haha; honestly, this is a LIFESAVER. highly recommend getting this IF you plan on seriously CD. you will not regret it. and, when your CD days are over, you can multi-use it for your hemorrhoids, feminine hygience, and pregnancy and postpartum hygiene!)
- Kissaluvs' terry cloth wipes(i wasn't so sure about this, but decided that we would try it. honestly, at first, i didn't use them... for a week or two. i thought that we'd just do the CD and disposable wipes = BIG MISTAKE. when you do that, you need to separate the wipes from the CD afterward. who wants to sift through that? no thanks. it's another waste of time and money. so, we started to use these. no thanks. why? they're washcloths. and, very non-user friendly. too thick to serve its purpose. i became discouraged as i wanted to CD with CW, but i didn't know what i needed, but something thinner and lighter that resembled a regular disposable wipe. so, my mom whipped up some flannel wipes for me around the same size as a disposable wipe, and we LOVED them. since then, months later, those are still the only ones we've used. the best part? completely reusable. just throw it in the wash with my diapes... plus, don't have to worry about my wipes "drying out" or my hubby using "too many"- as they do that! later, i'll get more in-depth with the "solution" i use with my CW.)
- a purple pail liner(love it! bought a standard flip-up waste can that is sort of like this one, and you don't need a fancy one. instead of stepping on the bottom, you press the top, and it pops open. in there, i have my liner. this liner is awesome. it eliminates odor while still preserving the wetness of the diaper so that, come wash day, it's good to wash the stains out.)
now, with all that said. i used the Snappis, but hated them. i suppose hate is a strong word. i disliked them because sometimes, i'd get really good fits with the prefolds, and sometimes i'd fight the cotton for something decent. it was like a war. a struggle. okay, i exaggerate. regardless, i didn't prefer them.
why?
i wanted something easy, and these didn't feel easy with me. below is a video on five different prefold options (God Bless YouTube!). i did #1 (but with more cotton in the front- don't ask me why as it's not like i have boys- haha) at first. sometimes, i got a really great fit as i mentioned. it wasn't easy, though.
then, when we revisited Zoolikins later (7 weeks), the owner showed me a similar fit to #4... to stuffthe dumb prefold in the cover. i felt so dumb when i saw that. i said those exact words to her, too. lol. i felt dumb that i didn't think of that, but i liked that. i liked that i could reuse the cover once i change out the prefold at a diaper change AND i liked that i could stuff the diapers ahead of time. brilliance.)
now, my CHIEF complaint about the prefolds is that they weren't suitable for nighttime/longer periods (2-3+ hours) AND they were quite bulky to sit a baby in a carseat (my girls would literally have trouble sitting correctly because of the bulkiness, but remember... i did the #1 and #4 folds).
however, i was researching prefold videos and saw this video below. duh. i now want to try that nighttime solution. haha!!!
below is another fabulous fold to maximize the absorbency... what's nice about prefolds is that you can try so many different folds until you find the one you love. i did and that is to stuff the cover with the prefold ahead of time- sort of like with a pocket (more on that later). mind you, this person below is using a larger prefold- NOT an infant one.
finally, i want to also inform you that prefolds DO take a lot of initial prep time- about 6 washes, BUT once you do that, there won't be anymore insane prep.
would i recommend prefolds to anyone? absolutely. totally worth it and we have no regrets about our initial diaper stash/investment. to this day, my girls are 8 months old, and we still use them! :)
i leave you with this BRILLIANT idea on how to CD on a budget... with those numerous receiving blankets that you have around your house!!! or, you can go pick up several at a store and make them work! :) see the video below for more details.
as they near closer to one year, i can't help but have mixed emotions with all that we have experienced these past eight months... most importantly, gabriel and and my life was changed... forever... as were the girls' lives!
became a mama for the first time. to twins. identical. girls. surreal then, and sometime surreal now. second nature, it has become, though. naps, feedings, pumping, juggling both, co-managing double tears, cloth diapers x2... have i done this before? never. i would like to say that...
we were all thrown into the headbands, matching-outfits, coordinating earrings, toothless grins with beautiful deep-blue-black-hole eyes....
they are so different now than eight months ago... it's amazing to see how much growth a person can have through measurable length... born as preemies with 4#15 and 18" and 4#14 and 19" in such a low percentile for their weight, yet, they're now growing like little beautiful weeds with their height and holding their own with their weight.
i feel so old in one way, but i feel so young in another light... partly because my daughters bring out so much youth to my life. they envision things and have different glasses on than i do with my own blue-with-yellow-laces-eyes...
did i think that i'd look at a ceiling fan the same way months ago? hardly.
did i think i could love two little babies of mine this much? sounded far off.
did i think that i'd be able to leave them and return to work? definitely not. so glad that i didn't. so privileged that God blessed us with such beautiful gifts that i had a safe escape to not return to work.
would it have been a different story with one baby? i don't know. it's never been about one baby; i have two. always has been two, always will be two.
did i think we'd have identical twin girls? jokes aside, wasn't a thought in my mind that God would split my egg. betcha your cards that i'm so thankful that He did.
we're so blessed with our miraculous babies... they are a dream not wished, but a dream come true.
- you may be eligible for a FREE double-electric hospital-grade breast pump via your insurance (they'd prefer not to scream this from the rooftops, though!). i have an HMO, and it was still covered. for me, i found out about it through cigna's healthy babies' program. remember how i wrote that the nurse would call me monthly to see how i was and gave me super good advice? well, she is the one who told me about it... IF my babies were to be admitted to the NICU and being preemies, then i'd be eligible. since mine fit both criteria, then i was eligible. :) yes!!! - find out BEFORE you deliver if you're eligible. - when you're in the hospital and should you be eligible, then ask your doctor to write a prescription for exactly this: "double-electric hospital-grade breast pump" because your "child/ren were admitted to the NICU and they're considered premature" (less than 37 weeks). - STAY ON IT! one month into it, they sent me the standard double-electric breast pump (twice over) that you can get online for $70... definitely not the hospital-grade one i used in the hospital. keep calling them, pestering them if they messed up, which they did in my case (shocker, right?!). - make sure they know that it's a PURCHASE, not a rental... to avoid any confusion and issues. - they sent me brand new attachments/bottles to use... obviously, for sanitary purposes. the pump is serviced after any usage. they first did mine as a "rental" (their mistake), and i'll keep this one for my pump! - i got a $1,600 pump for free!!! yes, it's bigger than my medela pump instyle, but like i said before, it's AWESOME, so quiet, and works very efficiently!
remember how i shared how my complications worsened once i got home? well, in the midst of all that, i still BF as much as i could. mostly, football style.
never did the thought enter my mind to stop. i couldn't. i had two little girls who were fighting for their lives, and i needed to do all that i could to protect them. i had already had many pregnancy complications, as well as postpartum complications, and they needed that perfectly good milk that formula could never give them... the nutrients that only breast milk gives.
when babies stay in the NICU, they have to pass a good amount of tests in order to be discharged... one, being good eating. my girls were great in every other area... except that. so, i needed to do it for them. never did my mind waver in that "this is too hard" or "my body can't take this anymore" or "i'll never have enough milk for them" or "i give up... i only want to do formula."
i BF/pumped as much as i could. not exclusively. BF/pumped as much as i could. i didn't know the tips that i know now. i remember that i'd have to wake up early in the morning, take a shower, get ready for my nurse to come and pack my wound (remember when i wrote about that?), and make sure that i fed/pumped for the girls before. i had help then... for the first few weeks with my family in town, and my sister stayed until they were almost three weeks. then, i was on my own. i was terrified.
how in the world am i going to do this on my own?how am i going to feed them bottles simultaneously?
i cried when my sister left.
i mean, when you BF twins, maybe it's just me, but... you need someone else to help you and get started... they're already so fragile, and you need to be careful how you position them. it's really hard to not "bobble" that small doll-size head that's ever so precious. also, when you BF twins, it takes up a lot of your time. a lot of your day. you need to be prepared for that. YOUR MAIN PRIORITY is to feed your children. they need nutrition. nobody else can substitute for that.
so, when my sister left, i was overwhelmed... i mean, every morning she was here, she'd come into my room and take a baby (lay with her, change her, or feed her) while i took care of the other. she brought me breakfast because, at the beginning, i was often barricaded in my room until noon every day when my husband was at work. i should go more into that later. :) and, what would i spend my time doing? BFing or pumping! obviously, not uploading photos on FB as i fell behind on that and have only recently been able to catch up... :)
i was nervous how i was going to do it on my own. so, i cried. i mean, at this point, i was only able to do 50/50% (breastmilk 3-4 oz. per pumping feeding and formula). every time the girls were hungry and i was "out of milk," meaning i had just fed them (not pumped, mind you, will explain later), i'd watch depressingly as my family members would go make up a bottle or heat one up. it made me that much more driven to BF/pump exclusively. every bottle i saw then make made me want it so much more. i knew that it was better for them... but, how?! i hated that they were getting formula, but what could i do about it? they needed what i was unable to give at that time. there had to be a way, though, right?
i wanted to do 100% BM. i remember going to the second pediatric appointment (my first with them because remember i was in the hospital?), and the pediatrican (we've since changed for obvious reasons) callously answered me, "i've never seen a mom go past three months BFing twins."
how insensitive. you are a jerk. way to blow the wind out of my sails!
but, i kept reading about twins' moms having "enough" milk for both... or reading that you can truly make enough milk to feed your children. i wanted that, and didn't know how. i kept trying to make my milk meanwhile... until i started asking people around when the babies were six weeks...
i learned of another lactation consultant to visit (didn't i see all of you in the hospital?), but didn't want to pay $90 for an office visit (can you imagine ME taking two babies in THEIR carseats to HER HOME office for a "consultation" as she watches me BF twins in a chair?! AWKWARD!!!) or $160 for a home visit?! jeez. rob you!
my every and only intention was to breastfeed my girls, mostly because it was best for them (and, me!) and the milk is perfectly designed for that baby’s age (God really thought of everything!)! also, i wanted to breastfeed since they’d be preemies, and it would only benefit them more… meaning, they already held a disadvantage to other full-term babies by being delivered sooner… less time to develop.
immediately, following my babies' birth, i was unable to BF them. they were taken straightaway to the NICU, given formula with granted permission by my husband, and i was recovering in the recovery room and later in my room. following a spinal, you really lose ALL feeling in your legs for several hours... such a strange feeling. i think that i mentioned before how nervous i was that i was going to lose feeling permanently... and, i was SO thankful when it returned. :)
anyway, when i got to my room, i found out that they were being given formula! NOT.PART.OF.MY.BIRTH.PLAN! those birth plans often get thrown out the window when you have serious situations take place, such as babies in the NICU! i quickly asked for a pump, and to start pumping (had nowhere to go until i regained feeling in my legs and felt better to go see our girls). they gave me the attachments and the hospital grade double electric breast pump, medela symphony.
first of all, this machine was AWE-SOME (i'll get into this later)! very quiet and quite efficient! i pumped, and it was... WEIRD.
my girls are going to be doing this?
how does it feel? i was asked.
weird. no other explanation.
i started pumping... just for stimulation. the following day is when i got some colostrum, and i was beyond thrilled! i put it in a little bottle and took it down to the NICU. i remember feeling a bit embarrassed when i saw how much formula they were being given (up to 20-30cc's), and here i stroll in (or, shall i say pushed in my wheelchair) with my itty bitty bottle of C... maybe 10cc's (ml's, one-third of an oz) yet, the nurses didn't care! they were so happy that i even had something! they took the tiny amount and inserted into the girls' mouths with small syringes. of course, they followed with formula. no! i hated seeing that, and it only gave me more motivation to try and give them milk. still, mine was still on its way to grace me with its presence. :)
meanwhile, i kept pumping, and finally had a breakthrough two days later. i started to get quite engorged; it feels AWFUL! it feels like marbles/little saucers are layered all in/around your boobs... and they start to get rock hard. it was so painful. it also happens FAST. one night, i was telling my husband and mom that they were feeling quite full, and then, BAM!
ding-dong! i've arrived for your little ones! lol
i guess we really are going to do this BFing thing! lol
at this point, the girls were brought up to our room after being discharged from the NICU, so, i started to try and BF once my "milk" came in. it still felt like i had some colostrum, and maybe some milk.... the first question i was asked was...
after i winced, of course...
how does it feel? does it feel good?
WEIRD. oh yeah, it feels awesome! (sarcasm)
since they were preemies, they were more immature with their latching, suckling... throughout my entire stay, i saw four lactation consultants. i had never BF before, so it felt quite strange and i think i may have looked quite silly. it's like:
how do you position her? without looking stupid? lol
and
gimme some credit... it's my first time. i only can try one baby for now... sorry about the other one next door in her own NICU room. i'll try her next.
the girls wouldn't stay latched or we'd have trouble with the latching, i'd have to get them on/off again, and it was very time-consuming. yet, they did start to catch on! the LCs helped, but mostly, it was motherly instinct... you learn how to hold your boob so the baby can latch on (like a sandwich in her mouth), you feel if it's incorrect because it won't drain your boob. a lot of it is paying attention to the smallest of details/mistakes.
by my second real day of breastfeeding, i tried tandem breastfeeding football-style (top left). for feeding them simultaneously, you need TONS of pillows. thankfully, the hospital has many of them to share :) (at home, i use the Double Blessings' ez-2 Nurse). for breastfeeding, you need help for them to latch on if you're new. with twins? you definitely need help especially if you want to feed them tandem. you get one on, and then have help getting the other on.
it's not as hard as it looks. i was DETERMINED. yes, i mean, it's challenging, but honestly? the most time-consuming part is getting the girls in their positions beside you (on both sides) and the pillows/seating in order. everything else just falls into place. i heard a joke or some comment somewhere that we purposely have two boobs to breastfeed twins. LOL! :) it's nice to BF both at the same time because you save time and your getting relief in both at once... plus, you get to look down, see your little creations and you're just in awe of whom you delivered.
meanwhile, i was still pumping in-between feeding them... at night, when they'd wake up, which was just about every two hours (sometimes, one hour!), i'd ask my husband to bring me a baby to feed her... we lost so much sleep those nights... lol. but, i was adamant that i didn't want them to have formula if i could feed them. i needed to feed as much as possible for MY relief... not just for them.
i didn't pump as much i should have in the hospital, though... towards the end once my milk came in (remember, i was there for seven days postpartum). take advantage, though! BF/pump/BF/pump/BF/pump! that's all you feel that you do in the beginning! it's like... FEED, FEED, FEED, FEED... and, sometimes they take FOREVER to latch/eat, etc... stick with it. it's well worth it.
even though i had many postpartum complications at this rate, i was still determined as ever to BF once we got home… my goal was to BF exclusively…
note: modify for your needs, whether you have one child or more than two children.
babies/baby: - 2 carseats - 2 rattles on the carseats - 2 blankets - 4-6 swaddling blankets* - caps/lids in a little baggy - 4-8 pacifiers in a little baggy in the diaper bag - 4 pjs - 6-7 matching outfits (with headbands, socks, shoes, sweaters, pants, etc...)* - 2 kids' books - travel-size baby shampoo/body wash, baby detergent, cloth diaper detergent* - travel-size shampoo and conditioner* - baby lotion* - nail clippers - a makeshift mobile* - 1 jug of room temperature water (for formula) - can of formula - formula bottles - 2 hooded bath towels* - washcloths* - burp cloths* - kids' music - stroller* - bathing suit*
for you, mommy: - 2 magazines - 2 books - iPad/iPod/computer, already charged, with charger - camera, already charged, with charger - cell, already charged, with charger - pump* - pump attachments in a freezer-size ziploc bag - hands-free bra - bottles (i brought all of mine for my pump) in a freezer-size ziploc bag - nipples in a little baggy - pump car adapter - 2 nursing tanks (i brought black; more versatile) - sleeping nursing bra - nude and black nursing bras - jeans - 3 shirts - 1 pair of leggings - 2 pairs of sandals - 1 pair of shoes - thick socks (if winter) - 1 jacket - socks/undergarments - makeup - 3-4 reusable water bottles
*tips- - the swaddling blankets are great to use to prop up the babies' bottles in their carseats. - pack the outfits/headbands/shoes/socks/pants/sweaters in a freezer-size ziploc bag... easy to grab an outfit and get them ready! - get inexpensive (in the $1 bin) small bottles for your baby shampoo/wash, baby detergent, cloth detergent, shampoo, conditioner, diaper spray and water bottles! and LABEL each of them! - always keep a diaper spray bottle and water bottle in your diaper bag! one less thing to pack! - i was almost out of my baby lotion, so i left it there... one less thing to pack! - leave items at location so you don't have to repack them in the future, such as baby lotion, bath towels, detergents, washcloths, burp cloths - make a mobile out of black/white construction paper or print these printables here and make your own... tape to the back of the car seat! - bathing suit depends on the season, of course. - a stroller is unnecessary UNLESS you're traveling a lot during your trip/flying... getting in/out of the car for a far/long distance. takes up too much room if you don't need it!- make sure all of the CD are dry... :) do one load of laundry at your destination a day. hang/air-dry. - pump every three hours whether your kids are sleeping or not... AKA... in the car, they're sleeping, time to pump? PUMP! - pack in a huge suitcase for the entire family instead of lots of little bags. - pack extra (we had to stay an extra day due to car trouble, and THANK GOD, i had packed enough for the girls and us). - pack for a few days... not last minute! - gather things as you think of them; set aside. - do all of your laundry long beforehand. - put your kids on the play gym/in the carseats or bouncers if you want them in the room with you while packing, BUT the easiest solution: pack ONCE they are sleeping! - check the destination's weather constantly for any changes, but pack for cold, warm, and hot weather (blankets help the cold). - pack two outfits for every day you'll be there +1. three days? 3 x 2 +1 = 7 outfits. :) - leave the ziploc bags in your suitcase once you unpack! - bonus: if you have outfits left over in the baggies, then you have already outfits for when you return! or, you can keep them for the next trip! or, you can put them in your diaper bag as your go-to-outfits! :) - if you don't want to do laundry for CD when away, then bring enough for your entire trip.
so, we went on our first road trip this past weekend. i'm amazing that we even returned in one piece considering everything that happened. here's the scoop of how it all went down:
- i used the checklists as a guidance for my packing, but ultimately, i had to recreate my own, which i feared would eventually happen. :) - it was unbelievable how much to take for a baby, let alone two... and, for our pups. lol - i'm the worst packer in the world because it takes me forever and i'm a perfectionist, but 99% of what i packed was for them... major improvement! - it took five and a half hours driving there (usually four and a half with no stops). - they slept ALMOST the whole way. amazing!!! they got an A if i were to grade them! - only coral bliss was quite fussy for a bit when we first got on the freeway, and i pulled over (gab was in the backseat with them because i'd have to pump soon), put the hazards on, and held her for about 15 minutes. after that, she literally slept so well. ;) - i pumped in the car with my awesome adapter (and, the entire weekend when the girls were sleeping/had already eaten!). - we went to my cousin's bridal shower where the girls were the mini celebrities! lol - saw family and some friends, including my friend and her identical twin boys who are 17 days younger than mine. - used CD the entire trip EXCEPT some of my diapers weren't dry, so we brought them and hung them around the car to dry... LOL!!! also, we were forced to do sposies because we didn't have anymore... the sun/outside hadn't dried them enough from the previous day... - we had car trouble when we tried to leave in the worst weather around... very rainy, cold, overcast, and the tire wasn't holding the air... oh great, yes, please, let's drive five hours with that! - we stayed an extra night to get the tire fixed, tried to buy new tires, and they didn't have ours. - we left, the girls slept most of the way, only waking to eat, and about 100 miles out of phoenix, we had a tire blowout on the FREEWAY. AWESOME! the tire literally shredded. - we have to drive the remaining distance going 50mph with our hazards in the right lane. - when we were five minutes or so away from our house, the girls started to fuss... can you blame them? it had taken six and a half hours!!! they got an A- for effort, but it wasn't truly their fault! - all in all, would i travel again by car? yes. we had a good trip even though one of us was quite cramped in the backseat...
in the future, i know that we plan on traveling with our little gals. i love to make checklists as they're in my nature, but, do i really want to spend the time originating the list or adding to another? i'd prefer the latter... part of the teacher in me... building off someone else's ideas. here are the checklists/wealth of information that i found from the following sites:
jeez, i just need to get on it. sorry that it's been awhile for me to blog about the rest of what happened, so here we go to sum it all:
my wound vac was put on, and we were only concerned about my blood levels in order to discharge me. it took into the mid-afternoon until they told us that i would be discharged... i asked when... asap...
very nice, folks. :) but, you mean, i have to take these kids home and take care of them myself?! i mean, with gab and family??? that's it... that's how we do this...?
my sister and brother were driving in from back home (SoCal), and we weren't sure where we'd be by the time they were arriving... turns out, we were still at the hospital, so they met us there. for the first time ever, my sis and brother were thrown into, hey... hi... we're packing, can you hold her? and, we'd go back to packing... talk about wasting no time!
LOLOLOLOLOL. so funny!
they relished their first moments as a new aunt/uncle. the girls were so fragile and small that they looked like little dolls as my siblings held them... of course, many photos later, we finally were leaving this room that we had called "ours" for so long. leaving the babies' first home... to bring them to ours.
since it was so late, and i pretty much had missed my final hospital dinner (bittersweet feelings about that), we decided on salvadorean food down the street... which is what i really wanted originally when i found out that i'd be delivering at that hospital... lol.
mind you, i hadn't been OUT of the hospital in seven days. it felt like a strange new beginning... to.finally.leave. BUT, supposedly, hospital policy (and, i can't remember if i posted about this before) is to have the mom "carry" out the baby because we carry them in our bellies and we have to "carry" them out... nobody else. isn't that strange?! i've never heard of that, but then again, i've never been a mother until now. yet, i thought that the women always held the baby(ies) because they were so proud... didn't know that it was hospital stipulation. :)
anyway, since my girls had been discharged the day before, i "technically" didn't have to "carry" them out. however, i had gone through a battlezone and i earned every gold medal to carry them in my arms and be pushed through in a wheelchair to the entrance... and, along the way... goodness, babies are precious. when you carry twins, let alone girls, let alone identical TWINS... they are instant celebrities. the most random people walked up to gab and me, commenting, congratulating, sharing their baby stories... it was such a beautiful moment of which to be proud... these girls are OURS, and "welcome to the world," girls! this is what life looks like outside of a hospital room. lol.
my mom had chosen their "going-home" preemie outfits the night before... and, they were still swimming in them! they wore their hospital hats with "A" and "B" written on them (for my brother and sister to identify them since they just met them... what am i joking! until weeks later, we couldn't ID them if not for their hospital anklet and bracelets! lol).
the girls looked darling in their outfits, and... while gab went to get the car, i was counting the moments and hoping to God that they wouldn't start wailing at the same time in front of the hospital entrance where i'm waiting in a wheelchair for my husband to pick us up!!! LOL!!! and?! they didn't! they made me look like such a good mom. :)
on the way home after picking up our tamales and pupusas, they did start to cry in the car, but calmed down immediately. they weren't used to the movement. when we got home, i made sure that i got out and approached our pups inside by myself... i read that. make sure that you approach the animals by yourself and allow them time to smell you... then, slowly we let the pups near the babies once we brought the babies in... a gradual process. and, they were fine. there was no jealousy, just acceptance, which was a relief!
since then, i'll narrate it very quickly: my wound vac was D/Ced because the home health nurse didn't administer the tape before the black sponge; therefore, i got many blisters and rashes around/under the tape/incision... it was awful. we ended up going with another nursing company. that one was miserably awful. my new girl was from nigeria and such a lovely woman! they moved me to a wet-to-dry dressing (with an open wound!!!), which means she had to pack my incision every day with gauze, place a bandage around it, and put adhesive around it that i wasn't allergic to. from that, i obviously got three infections, one which was quite UNcommon. of course, that's me! medically, i go all out!!! they placed me on antibiotics, which then turned into further infections... for my lack of taking a probiotic in place. women: take a probiotic whenever you take an antibiotic. otherwise, your body is imbalanced, and all of your good bacteria is also killed. weeks later, my wound finally closed... my sister, my nurse, and gab all had to change the dressings some time or another... each day. i have so many medical supplies left that it's insane. :) yay, i should put together our emergency kit with them! :) just to let you know... it took seven weeks for my wound to finally close naturally. towards the end, they used a calcium alginate dressing, which helped close it. on the other hand, i still have an infection that i'm fighting... oh, happy day!
it's amazing all that i've gone through... medically, emotionally, physically, mentally... and, am still going through. i remember what one of the nurses from the first company said to me...
at least, you got two girls to show for it. some people don't have that when a wound vac is placed... and, you got two beautiful girls to show for it.
the biggest events of today was that the girls would have their first pediatric appointment and i'd get my wound vac put on.
earlier in the morning, they were discharged, and as strange as that sounds, they couldn't be alone with me... in the room. always, another adult (Gab and my mom took turns) had to be with me 24/7. why, do you ask? to avoid a situation like the day before... where i was rushed to surgery, and the babies needed someone to take care of them... and, i couldn't be alone with them in case something like that would happen. this was hospital procedure for everybody, but it especially made sense in my case.
so, i'd miss their first appointment and there was nothing that i could do about it. i watched as Gab and my mom dressed the girls in white NB onesies with multi-colored polka dots and NB pants. at that point, we did some preemie clothes, but those were at home as i didn't know how much they would weigh.
later, i was on speakerphone with them as they were at the appointment... ironically, on the first day that it had rained since the girls were born... and, then i had to cut it short because my wound vac nurse came in to administer the dressing. it wasn't as painful as i thought that it'd be. they gave me, once again, my favorite, morphine before she started the wound vac.
to understand what a wound vac is, then just watch this.
when they returned later, i showed them my wound vac and the photos that i took every step along the way to document. the girls were almost back at their birthweight, and of course, were in the lower percentiles... much lower because they were so small when they were born. they were perfectly healthy, though, which is all that mattered. :)
now, to just get me discharged? my blood levels had to be good... between 2 and 3...
this day was a bit of a blur for me, so forgive me if i don't recall the events perfectly.
i do remember waking up, and Dr. L. visiting me, alongside with Dr. E. from my doctor's office. i told them about the previous night, and they weren't happy at all. actually, they mentioned the possibility of going downstairs, removing the staples, and exploring for the root of my bleeding... back in the O.R. just to remind you, they were especially nervous that i was on anticoagulants (blood thinners). normally before a surgery, one should refrain from taking any blood thinners to avoid bleeding out.
i didn't understand why we needed to return there... i nixed that idea very quickly as i prefer to avoid the O.R. at all costs as i'm not its #1 fan! :) when they said this, i couldn't help but look at my babies with a fear that i'd never see them again. you hear about all sorts of horrifying surgical stories... i didn't want my "exploratory"surgery to also be added to that list. i remember that i had tears in my eyes when i thought about all for which i had worked so hard (family), and... for it to be gone in an instant. i asked if we could do the "surgery" or should i call it a "procedure," in my room. they agreed to it.
the plan was for them to return later in the morning/early afternoon to do the procedure. i was so stoked that they agreed to do "surgery" in my room! how cool is that?! just like in the NICU! i told Gab and my mom to get their cameras ready! lol! boy, am i glad that they did!
just like any other surgery, they had to "prep" me for this, too. they brought in a tray of medical supplies and a dosage of morphine... i wasn't anticipating the morphine. i hate that stuff... that's an understatement to say it like that. when i was in the ICU in the summer of '09, they had to give me a lot post-procedure, and i.felt.absolutely.awful. i was so lethargic, could barely keep my eyes open but almost squinted to do so, couldn't focus on anything, and could barely pay attention. i remember trying to use my phone and do something as simple as texting, and i'd sit there for a half an hour "attempting" to text, and it'd be just jibberish like "2ilkasdkf!" lol! why do people even do drugs? to feel like THAT?! sick. plus, it made me quite queasy and i was frequently throwing up on that med!
anyway, they prepped me and gave me my "morphine." we waited for the effects. very soon after they administered it, i felt it seep into my body... my arms, legs... tingling throughout. i didn't feel like i felt before on morphine. it didn't feel that strong to me... the anticipation was greater than the actual drug, i think. i started to talk. started to talk A LOT. Dr. E. and Dr. L. come into my room, and Dr. E. asked if my margarita kicked in yet. lol! what a character!
Dr. L. was on my left side with Dr. E. on the right. the morphine didn't do too much... i mean, i still felt them tugging down there... they were going to pull out my staples.
staple 1... that wasn't too bad...
staple 2... please, can i get more morphine?!
staple 3... i'd like more morphine now!!! Dr. E. immediately announced that we "found the bleeder!"
as they pulled out staple 3, i started hemorrhaging! blood squirted out at least four feet... onto Dr. L.'s scrubs, all over the blue paper that they use for surgical procedures, and onto the side of the bed/floor. a little blood? yeah right. more like GREY'S ANATOMY blood squirting! something that you'd see on a tv show/in a movie. i think that all of our mouths dropped, especially Gab and my mom's.
Dr. L. immediately put pressure on the bleeding, and Dr. E. told me, eye-to-eye, that as much as i wanted to avoid the O.R., he was afraid that we now had no choice. he told Dr. L. to prep me, but didn't say it like that... as he started to immediately get a team together, she started to tell me the benefits of a surgery, and then someone mentioned a transfusion and for me to sign something... that's when i freaked out.
uncontrollably crying, absolutely nervous, death afraid that something dangerous would happen, i kept staring at our little babies that Gab and my mom were holding... it was only my fifth day with them? Dr. L. was mentioning a blood transfusion in case i lost a lot of blood...
are you kidding me!? why are you talking about a blood transfusion? that's only for when people die or are close to dying... a blood transfusion!? i.do.not.want.to.die. keep me awake during this surgery... do not put me under. i cannot go if you'll put me under. i'm so scared...
why are you scared? tell me all that you're scared of... (Dr. L.'s soothingly calm voice as she holds down pressure on the "bleeder")
my babies! i don't want to leave them... i just delivered them... it's too soon. i don't want to leave my family... i don't want to die... you hear awful stories all of the time with a surgery gone wrong...
regardless, through my tears and my-almost-hyperventilation, i had to allow the surgery. i had a family to which i could look forward.
they rushed me to surgery, where every step of the way, Dr. L. held down the pressure, and i talked with her the entire way... asking should i get pregnant again, would i have to do a c-section or could i do a VBAC... she said that she delivered VBACs the night before... that they're perfectly fine...
when we get into the O.R., Dr. E. is there, as well as... my anesthesiologist from before! lol. we remembered each other... i told him that i was nervous again about the medicine... he calmed me down... sort of. they gave me a dosage of "happy medicine," and i just remember telling them to not use adhesive to which i was allergic... (found out since being in the hospital; was getting a reaction to any adhesive, bandage, or gloves...)
Dr. E. started, and then i remember waking up... like i had just dozed off, but i didn't know that. i asked where everybody was and when we were going to start the surgery... apparently, i was told, that we had just finished it and it took about 15 minutes.
they wheeled me back upstairs only to find Gab and my mom shocked that it was so soon... and i was talking the whole way as we entered my room. my mom said that i must have felt better. lol.
soooooo, what did he do?
he left the wound open.
WHAT!!! why?!?!?
they're going to come back in and pack the wound.
they returned not too long later, and this time, i told Gab and my mom to GET THEIR CAMERAS READY... just as Dr. E. pulled out the packing from inside the wound, my mom snapped a shot at the foot of my bed... Dr. E., Dr. L., Gab, and i look at my mom in mid-moment... like she was paparazzi. it was hilarious. i asked my mom what my wound looked like... a pomegranate, she told me.
in the O.R., they removed all of the staples, saw that the bleeding was only below my incision in a hematoma, and decided to burn some of the blood vessels (the black part of the pomegranate) to avoid any further bleeding... they ended up doing a wet-to-dry dressing. the eventual plan would be to do a wound vac.
when they returned later, they said that the "pomegranate" looked great, and that the plan was to start a wound vac (click on the pink lettering, and it'll take you to a video on youtube) the following day...
still, no plans on being discharged. yet, my babies were going to be discharged the following day, a thursday, pending that they pass their car seat test and that they still continued to eat well, and gain weight. our babies passed the car seat test (apparently, for a preemie baby <37 weeks, he/she needs to be placed in the car seat and their oxygen level is tested as if this was a real trip)!
on a side note, it was a bit freaky to know that my "wound" was still open...
we are new parents to our identical twin girls, Willow Kate and Coral Bliss, born on 12/10/10! everything about this pregnancy was a complete surprise!
