i do remember waking up, and Dr. L. visiting me, alongside with Dr. E. from my doctor's office. i told them about the previous night, and they weren't happy at all. actually, they mentioned the possibility of going downstairs, removing the staples, and exploring for the root of my bleeding... back in the O.R. just to remind you, they were especially nervous that i was on anticoagulants (blood thinners). normally before a surgery, one should refrain from taking any blood thinners to avoid bleeding out.
i didn't understand why we needed to return there... i nixed that idea very quickly as i prefer to avoid the O.R. at all costs as i'm not its #1 fan! :) when they said this, i couldn't help but look at my babies with a fear that i'd never see them again. you hear about all sorts of horrifying surgical stories... i didn't want my "exploratory"surgery to also be added to that list. i remember that i had tears in my eyes when i thought about all for which i had worked so hard (family), and... for it to be gone in an instant. i asked if we could do the "surgery" or should i call it a "procedure," in my room. they agreed to it.
the plan was for them to return later in the morning/early afternoon to do the procedure. i was so stoked that they agreed to do "surgery" in my room! how cool is that?! just like in the NICU! i told Gab and my mom to get their cameras ready! lol! boy, am i glad that they did!
just like any other surgery, they had to "prep" me for this, too. they brought in a tray of medical supplies and a dosage of morphine... i wasn't anticipating the morphine. i hate that stuff... that's an understatement to say it like that. when i was in the ICU in the summer of '09, they had to give me a lot post-procedure, and i.felt.absolutely.awful. i was so lethargic, could barely keep my eyes open but almost squinted to do so, couldn't focus on anything, and could barely pay attention. i remember trying to use my phone and do something as simple as texting, and i'd sit there for a half an hour "attempting" to text, and it'd be just jibberish like "2ilkasdkf!" lol! why do people even do drugs? to feel like THAT?! sick. plus, it made me quite queasy and i was frequently throwing up on that med!
anyway, they prepped me and gave me my "morphine." we waited for the effects. very soon after they administered it, i felt it seep into my body... my arms, legs... tingling throughout. i didn't feel like i felt before on morphine. it didn't feel that strong to me... the anticipation was greater than the actual drug, i think. i started to talk. started to talk A LOT. Dr. E. and Dr. L. come into my room, and Dr. E. asked if my margarita kicked in yet. lol! what a character!
Dr. L. was on my left side with Dr. E. on the right. the morphine didn't do too much... i mean, i still felt them tugging down there... they were going to pull out my staples.
staple 1... that wasn't too bad...
staple 2... please, can i get more morphine?!
staple 3... i'd like more morphine now!!! Dr. E. immediately announced that we "found the bleeder!"
as they pulled out staple 3, i started hemorrhaging! blood squirted out at least four feet... onto Dr. L.'s scrubs, all over the blue paper that they use for surgical procedures, and onto the side of the bed/floor. a little blood? yeah right. more like GREY'S ANATOMY blood squirting! something that you'd see on a tv show/in a movie. i think that all of our mouths dropped, especially Gab and my mom's.
Dr. L. immediately put pressure on the bleeding, and Dr. E. told me, eye-to-eye, that as much as i wanted to avoid the O.R., he was afraid that we now had no choice. he told Dr. L. to prep me, but didn't say it like that... as he started to immediately get a team together, she started to tell me the benefits of a surgery, and then someone mentioned a transfusion and for me to sign something... that's when i freaked out.
uncontrollably crying, absolutely nervous, death afraid that something dangerous would happen, i kept staring at our little babies that Gab and my mom were holding... it was only my fifth day with them? Dr. L. was mentioning a blood transfusion in case i lost a lot of blood...
are you kidding me!? why are you talking about a blood transfusion? that's only for when people die or are close to dying... a blood transfusion!? i.do.not.want.to.die. keep me awake during this surgery... do not put me under. i cannot go if you'll put me under. i'm so scared...
why are you scared? tell me all that you're scared of... (Dr. L.'s soothingly calm voice as she holds down pressure on the "bleeder")
my babies! i don't want to leave them... i just delivered them... it's too soon. i don't want to leave my family... i don't want to die... you hear awful stories all of the time with a surgery gone wrong...
regardless, through my tears and my-almost-hyperventilation, i had to allow the surgery. i had a family to which i could look forward.
they rushed me to surgery, where every step of the way, Dr. L. held down the pressure, and i talked with her the entire way... asking should i get pregnant again, would i have to do a c-section or could i do a VBAC... she said that she delivered VBACs the night before... that they're perfectly fine...
when we get into the O.R., Dr. E. is there, as well as... my anesthesiologist from before! lol. we remembered each other... i told him that i was nervous again about the medicine... he calmed me down... sort of. they gave me a dosage of "happy medicine," and i just remember telling them to not use adhesive to which i was allergic... (found out since being in the hospital; was getting a reaction to any adhesive, bandage, or gloves...)
Dr. E. started, and then i remember waking up... like i had just dozed off, but i didn't know that. i asked where everybody was and when we were going to start the surgery... apparently, i was told, that we had just finished it and it took about 15 minutes.
they wheeled me back upstairs only to find Gab and my mom shocked that it was so soon... and i was talking the whole way as we entered my room. my mom said that i must have felt better. lol.
soooooo, what did he do?
he left the wound open.
WHAT!!! why?!?!?
they're going to come back in and pack the wound.
they returned not too long later, and this time, i told Gab and my mom to GET THEIR CAMERAS READY... just as Dr. E. pulled out the packing from inside the wound, my mom snapped a shot at the foot of my bed... Dr. E., Dr. L., Gab, and i look at my mom in mid-moment... like she was paparazzi. it was hilarious. i asked my mom what my wound looked like... a pomegranate, she told me.
in the O.R., they removed all of the staples, saw that the bleeding was only below my incision in a hematoma, and decided to burn some of the blood vessels (the black part of the pomegranate) to avoid any further bleeding... they ended up doing a wet-to-dry dressing. the eventual plan would be to do a wound vac.
when they returned later, they said that the "pomegranate" looked great, and that the plan was to start a wound vac (click on the pink lettering, and it'll take you to a video on youtube) the following day...
still, no plans on being discharged. yet, my babies were going to be discharged the following day, a thursday, pending that they pass their car seat test and that they still continued to eat well, and gain weight. our babies passed the car seat test (apparently, for a preemie baby <37 weeks, he/she needs to be placed in the car seat and their oxygen level is tested as if this was a real trip)!
on a side note, it was a bit freaky to know that my "wound" was still open...
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