day 4

when i woke up, i knew that i wouldn't be going home that day, which then means that my c-section hospital stay would be longer than the average... oh great, once again... i feel like i am not the average hospital/medical patient since i always have so many abnormal things going on...

early in the morning, just like every other morning, the doctors came to check on me.  one of the surgeons (a female) who performed my surgery, but also a doctor from my doctor's office (a high-risk speciality office)... i never knew who was representing the practice.  regardless, i updated Dr. L. on the previous night, and showed her where my skin had hardened the night before.  what i forgot to write about yesterday was that after i started bleeding out, the skin softened around my incision instead of the rock hard pressure surrounding my incision.  with a permanent marker, Dr. L. drew around my incision where my skin had hardened.  surprisingly, by now, it wasn't soft anymore, but the areas had become harder... much more than originally.  she also drew around that, and i forgot what it was called.  oh wait, it's called induration... the depth of the problem.

at this point, my blood levels weren't between 2 and 3 (of course not!  that'd be too easy), and i knew that two things were still keeping me there- 1- blood level and 2-incision problem.  that night... we had a reoccurrence of events.  late at night, getting ready for bed, and as i'm standing next to the sink, suddenly i felt a warm liquid... in my black pants.  oh yes, we have greatness once again!

let's go for ROUND TWO... yet again.  it wasn't fun enough the first time that i'm begging for a round two!  oh boy, it was so frustrating... i knew that i'd have quite a stay ahead of me... so, once i was all cleaned up, we finally headed to bed after i realized that i was running out of clothes due to my bleeding blood. :(

and, for tomorrow?  just wait.  it gets even better! :)  or, should that be a sad face?  :(

day 3

i was excited for day 3.  until now, each day, they had been checking my anticoagulant levels... weaning me off of lovenox and onto coumadin.  usually, on days 3 or 4, a woman who had a c-section gets to go home.  so, as long as my levels were between 2 and 3 (thin enough for nothing to happen, but for regular people, it's usually between 1 and 2), then we'd get to go home!!!

meanwhile, the babies' pediatrician continued to visit them, and it's strange... "suddenly" the nurses thought that our babies had jaundice?!  but the NICU didn't think so?!  interesting.  turns out, no jaundice... thank God.

regardless, i could tell that my milk was going to come in... pins, needles, and marbles is what you feel like when engorged!  no fun! :(  that day, we also had visitors... an old family friend and a co-worker of mine.  it was great to see everyone!  but, later that night... something crazy happened.

i was going to take another shower, and the nurse was worried about the area around my incision... was starting to get very hard and big underneath... she said that she was worried that they might be hematomas.  in my head, i was thinking what is that?!  i guess a big blood blister could be a way to describe them.  anyway, she wanted me to take a shower, which i did.  i was careful with everything, and then...

after i lathered lotion all over my body, i felt something dripping all over my body, and i look down and BLACK BLOOD is streaming down from around my mid-section, which i thought was from elsewhere!  then i realized that it was seeping from my incision area!!!  immediately, i pulled that emergency cord in the bathroom and screamed for help (my mom was in the room, and she ran to get a nurse).  the nurse was so calm and helped me out... i was so freaked... black blood?  what is going wrong now?  why can't anything ever be simple with my medical situations? 

at this point, i knew that i wouldn't be going home anytime soon if 1- they didn't regulate my blood levels OR 2- they didn't get this bleeding under control...

day 1

apparently, the day after a surgery is when the countdown to go home starts a.k.a. "day 1."  i don't know why they don't start it immediately following the actual surgery.  my nurse woke me up early in the morning, and wanted to take the catheter out and start me on solids.  i was pumped to be able to eat, however, that hospital food was quite a joke.  i'm supposed to be breastfeeding twins, and they send enough food to last me for a snack?!  i was shocked.  later, in my visit, i did convince them to give me a menu (like any decent hospital should have for specific dietary options and like the previous hospital, in which i stayed in '09, had one) and ordered so much more food for each meal!  since i was back on coumadin (my anticoagulant), i had to be careful about what i ate since i couldn't eat too much vitamin k... (go here for more information).

our plan for the day was to get ready and, obviously, visit our babies. :)  my mom was at the house, cleaning, organizing, and would come later.  i'll be honest... it was strange to wake up the following morning (Saturday).  it felt surreal that we were parents and that the babies were, in fact, here... after they were with me for so long.  a good night of rest did us some good because we had been exhausted and felt re energized!  quickly, we got ready, and went down to see them.  i was so thankful that i wasn't connected to any other machines!

the babies were in separate rooms, which i think that i've already mentioned.  even though they are twins, they had to be separated and sometimes had different nurses.  we couldn't take one out of her room to bring to the other room and be with her sister, so we had to keep going back and forth... i felt kinda bad about that... which room do we attend first?  how long do we stay since we have another baby next door?  their rooms were next door but separated by a hallway.

one nurse happened to be taking care of both babies, which was very helpful... yet, we were told that the babies weren't eating as much as they should... they had enough void/stool (wet/poopy) diapers, but, they weren't in taking enough food.  to be discharged from the NICU, a baby has to demonstrate enough diapers, eating, no jaundice, stable vitals and great response.  the great part was that they no longer had trouble breathing or bruising, yet until they met those other requirements, they'd still be patients.  i was nervous about them being in the NICU because i didn't know how long they'd be there, however, we knew they were in the best hands.

our babies were so tiny, full of life, and just oh-so-adorable!  they had the biggest skinniest feet and the biggest hands, but the skinniest extra long bodies!  it was amazing how identical they were!  we had never seen babies that small, let alone hold them!  i think that i can speak for the both of us when i say that we were completely in awe.  these are ours?!  when the doctors would come in, they'd want to address "Mom," and i kept turning to my mom!  i wasn't used to hearing that!  lol!

how much time is enough time to spend with your newborn preemies when they're elsewhere?  i don't know how much time is enough, but it didn't feel like enough... spending the day there and seeing their hearing tests conducted (they passed), going back up to our room to rest, visitors coming (my mom's cousin, her husband, and our friends) to see the babies.... the babies had to stay there, and it felt strange to leave them... almost like they were being abandoned, but not.  i don't know how twisted that sounds, but it just felt wrong to leave them... but, we had no choice.

also, we were told that they had a chance of going home if they started eating better... we were stoked!  however, it all depended on how they made it through the night... our nurse was telling us to get our rest and that they'd keep them in the NICU.. :)  sweet of her now that we know how sleepless nights are!!!

p.s. EVERYBODY kept asking us what their names were, and we hadn't officially decided.  my mom was with us, and we didn't have much time to discuss it because we were so overwhelmed with the babies' stay in the NICU and my recovery... we had some names we liked that we had tossed around for awhile, but nothing official.  no matter what names we liked, we always came back to liking the original ones... so, since we hadn't officially named them yet (i was still overwhelmed with them being there and we were exhausted from everything), they were just A and B.  but, not the A and B that were labeled in me... towards the end, the letters switched because the breech baby was presenting first, so they delivered her first.  it was confusing for the nurses and everybody else to talk about their version of A and B, and i always had to stop and picture the babies in me to know what they were discussing....

a soapbox at 18 weeks

tomorrow, we go for our 21-week ultrasound ("u/s" for danielle :)). our previous appointment was very different than any other.

they did the full-anatomy screening on both babies.  imagine having an ultrasound for an hour and a half.  yup, roughly 45 minutes each baby.  the worst part is that the tech was one whom we hadn't had before, and she was quite UNpleasant.  now, i go to u/s every two weeks, and yes, i have questions, AND i have the right to ask any question i want.  for heaven's sake, i have TWO BABIES in my womb!!!  apparently, she did NOT like that and could not multi-task... do her job and answer my questions whenever i asked them.  she got beyond annoyed, and i could tell by her facial expressions, voice, mood, tone, and body language.  for instance, i asked, are we going to be able to compare the fluid around both babies once both babies' screenings were complete?  (for twin-to-twin transfusion which they told us about at our last appointment)  she became frustrated and upset when i asked that and told me that we weren't at THAT point yet in the u/s.  i knew that we weren't at that point, but i was setting the foundation for which i wanted her to point out to me later.  that was only the beginning...

[note: it's UNUSUAL to carry multiples... especially WHEN they're unexpected joys like ours!   it's hard to explain, except i'm sure any woman who has experienced pregnancy has felt this newfound desire to protect everything about the pregnancy/baby.  to know everything, pay attention to everything because it is a RIGHT.   it's a necessity.

well, just imagine your first, you're carrying double, and instead of showing concern for one, you're now responsible for two.  that's where i am.  it's this overwhelmingly feeling of protection, responsibility to my babies, my husband, my family, and especially God.  throw some (sarcasm to it's highest degree) high-risk, 70 mg lovenox injections, twin-to-twin transfusion possibilities in there, and voila!  it WOULD be UNREALISTIC to not be REALISTIC about the situation and concerns that any new mother may have.  we have to prepare for anything and everything.  any answers are appreciated and encouraged.]

normally, we have the most awesome tech... this younger woman (probably late 30's)... she's great about answering questions, providing feedback, multi-tasking, and the face of professionalism!!!  for some reason, we didn't get her this time, which obviously wasn't the best scenario.

for the rest of the visit, she at least reassured us that, once again (for the third time "finding out") that we're having girls.  inside i was LOL!!!  also, she said that the babies are measuring right on schedule for how far along i am.... it's so weird that i have two little babies in there, and every time we go to an ultrasound, i'm genuinely shocked that they're still there.  it's still strange to admit, experience, and feel that i am even pregnant.  i mean, a year ago, i would have laughed if this is where you told me i'd be.... just because i was so sick and almost passing through to the other side... i honestly didn't think there was MUCH possibility in ever getting pregnant after what i went through.  i went through so much medically.

when we finally saw the dr. (who is my fav. by the way, and i hope he delivers my babies since he is well-renowned across the U.S. for multiples), he answered my few questions.  i asked if it's okay to be around my pups (yes), how to solve my problem with prenatals (take two flinstones), if my tailbone's stretching is common (yes, i'm further along than singleton pregnancies since i'm carrying twins), how i deal with heartburn (tum'... 1 every 4-6 hours), and is it normal that i'm having a difficult time coughing/breathing deeply (yes)?

for our 21-week appointment, we are going to the downtown office since it's closer to my work.  since we see a different dr. each visit, it doesn't really matter which location we visit.  we're just praying for healthy baby girls!!! :)

are they leg cramps or DVT?

since i have the history of DVT (blood clotting in my left leg) and PE (pulmonary embolism- side of my lung), i started to get super nervous when i started to develop leg cramps in my SAME problematic leg!  it started around when i was 8 weeks, and i went to ER since i had the SAME exact symptoms as my DVT- i mean, the pain hadn't gone away for several days, and for that, i grew even more nervous.

well, i went in, and hours later only to find out that they were severe leg cramps.  oh great, i felt silly and frustrated.  how do you know when they are for real or just the pregnancy taking its toll on you?

all i know is that i mentioned to my dr. and chiro my situation.  the recommendation was to eat a banana for potassium each day.  okay, got it.

then, i started drinking smoothies quite frequently, such as every morning, and regularly, i would throw in a  banana....

didn't develop anymore "cramps" until about 17 weeks... we were staying in CA, and suddenly it's 5a.m., and what do you know!  i feel like i'd rather chop off my leg than scream in pain!!!  the pain was so similar, if not identical, to my DVT, and the thing is- i developed my DVT a year ago at 5a.m.!!!  so, you see why i was extremely nervous....

well, i put my husband right to work to massage my left leg while i was screaming for bloody murder!  who knows how long it took for me to be able to get comfortable again, but the weird thing is- the pain shot to my right leg, and i thought, oh great, how's he going to massage both?  that leg!  no, that leg!  back to that leg!  it was so frustrating for both of us!

then, this past week, again, 5a.m., and bloody murder!  this.pain.was.the.worst.  blood curdling screams.  my right toes felt like they were on fire and going numb, and this pain was just bad.  the following night (or should i say 5a.m. morning?  lol), similar episode, and just felt like my toes were bending weird... know what i mean?  that awkward feeling... well, throw in there some fire-burning feet and annoyingly painful cramps!

FINALLY, i thought- i ran out of bananas!!!  nooooooooo!  need them now!  haven't had them in a few days, which is why i got the stupid, but avoidable cramps!  when we woke up that morning, i immediately sent my husband to go buy some bananas, and threw a few of them into that morning's smoothie!!!  lol

coincidentally, just read that leg cramping is super bad right around now... halfway through the pregnancy!  FYI!

had a minor cramp since then, but seriously... EAT A BANANA each day!!!  if you don't like them, then throw them in a smoothie- tastes yummy!  prevent this awfully painful episode!!!  your sleep, your legs, and your loved one will thank you.  :)

(oh, disclaimer: for a DVT, your leg swells up, hardens like a rock (especially when you touch it- rock hard), red like a tomato, feels boiling hot, and the pain is beyond unbearable.  go to the ER if you have leg cramping that is like that and it doesn't go away!!!)

high-risk???

yes, i'm high-risk... i don't think i ever said what really happened late last summer...

i was immediately hospitalized with DVT (deep vein thrombosis) in my left leg, and also had a PE (pulmonary embolism)- blood clot in my left lung!

well, 9 days down, including a few in ICU, 3 private rooms, 3 surgeries, 3 or 4 ultrasounds, 2 cat scans, and $130,000+ bill (or was it more?) of which my co-pay was less than a grand....... i was released from the hospital.

on anticoagulants for the rest of my life.  my-lovely(i mean that in the highest regard- he saved my life)-and-obama-cloned-dr. discovered in the first surgery that i had may-thurner syndrome.
may-thurner syndrome
what is that?  well, i was born with it, and we have this center vein below our chest called the iliac vein, and mine looked like a traffic jam.  blood wasn't flowing through properly; thus, it got backed up, and i got DVT, PE...

coincidentally, i also had foot surgery a month before that, and wasn't able to move my left leg very much because of the black brace, HOWEVER, i would have developed the DVT, PE regardless because of my condition.  it was inevitable.

SO, i left the hospital on lovenox (shots taken twice a day that my lovely sister/gab administered... hated that needle, and we'd have a disagreement every time he/she was about to STAB me!  lol).

eventually, they moved me to coumadin, which i took for the next 8 months... until i found out i was pregnant.  coumadin is REALLY bad for babies and can cause birth defects and all sorts of craziness!  it's a small enough molecule that crosses the placenta...

AS SOON AS we found out i was PG, they moved me back to lovenox (oh joy!  doesn't cross to the placenta- small enough molecule), and i then had to start taking that twice a day, 70 mg/day.... gab was giving it to me... UNTIL one saturday, he left the house, AND we forgot to give my shot... a quick call to tirz that lasted for nine minutes with my sis convicing me to take the shot.

but, i HATE shots.  despise them.  do.not.like.them.and.flinch.every.time.  and, this needle is LONG!

well, since then, it's all me.  i have a routine down. 

i do this for my babies.  i need them to be as healthy and safe as possible.

because, i'm high-risk, i go every two-three weeks... and, these high-risk specialists are now going to deliver my babies...

the plus side?  have tons of photos and get tons of ultrasounds!  i've had six so far and i'm ONLY 16 weeks!