not again!!!

(note: this took place/was written two weeks ago on 9/15/11)


OMG.


the girls had finished Baby Signing Time (absolutely LOVE it; definitely, keeps my girls engaged!), and i look down to see Willow... covered in RED. 

she spilled out my red sorbet smoothie (complimentary of blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, some juice concentrate, a bit of apple juice, and ice) all on the ground (didn't even hear it spill, and it's right by me, lol), and did i tell you i was in the middle of PUMPING?  yup.    so, in between pausing my pumping time (and, i was wearing that bra), grab some wet washcloths to wash her down (she still smells so fruity) and clean up the mess.  she kept attempting to roll back into the mess and make it worse... of course, she succeeded in between my running to get more washcloths.  YAY!  lol. 


so, i clean it up, and obviously, decided to change her... let's do the diapers, too, shall we?  let's just change the whole outfits!  got new outfits (so cute by the way... the ones that they wore getting their ears pierced), and i was stoked that they still fit into them since they're 6mo. and the girls are "technically" in 12mo. clothes.  :)  


i change Willow's (wet) diaper/clothes and meanwhile Bliss is making an escape for the exit (i had opened the door because it was INCREDIBLY nice outside (for AZ in sept.).

 
i gave W the bottle while i was changing her, and she was content.


Bliss' turn.  i change her (poopy, with just one chunk of solid poop) diaper, and use two cloth wipes (they work wonders compare to the four i'd probably use with disposables).  meanwhile, W kept trying to grab for her dirty diaper (even though that was a good few feet away and she was drinking her bottle).  i kick that away... of course.  her bottle was just about empty, so i grabbed the diapers, went to the kitchen to grab a BM bottle that i had just heated up in the bottle warmer (i've been able to pump a lot lately storing at night- more about that later).


i return, and lightly (not as bad as last time, but in a calmer tone) shriek...


no, Willow!

she had that chunk IN HER RIGHT HAND, playing with it like play-doh!  i tried to grab it, but it split into two chunks, so i was trying to pick up the chunks as fast as possible, put them with the diapers in my hand, see that Bliss has ONE of the wipes in her hand, so i grab that, too (she HATED that, of course, shocker, right?) and take W into the bathroom, put the diapers on the toilet, wash her hands (so sudsy and thoroughly, lemme tell you), and i return for sissy to do the same thing again.

they were pretty upset with me.  i wonder why.  and, now homegirls are napping away... :)

and, how is YOUR day going so far? ;)


the story of my twin girls!

the MANY types of CD: pockets and AIOs

at three months, my mom and aunt came to visit.  naturally, we had to make a trip to my favorite CD store, Zoolikins.  i liked my Bumkins prefolds/Thirsties covers and only used my prefolds/covers... at home and during the day.  as i already said, they didn't absorb longer than 3 hours, so i wanted something with a longer absorbency.  also, they were quite bulky when the girls "tried" to fit into their carseats in an upright position.  i was using the Snappis, but didn't like them.  the "fit" wasn't always the "right" fit for us.  obviously, my eventual goal was to exclusively CD.  so, we headed over to the store, and i was so excited... could this be when i was going to FINALLY get the diapers i really wanted???

we were there for a few hours.  we were in luck- the store's owner and Bumkins' founder/owner was there.  the time flew by so fast and we learned SO much about CD, tips, preferences, tricks, etc... we left SO informed with definite new insight! such a GREAT way to have spent our afternoon! 

so, i told Jakki (the owner) my top THREE needs:

- CD my twins exclusively

- maximum absorbency (last longer than three hours)

- a nighttime diaper

with that information, mind you, remember, i wanted to CD my twins exclusively, i asked her about the bumGenius CD.  i told her that's the one i wanted.  i had friends who had the bG and loved them, so that's also what i wanted.  i thought that i had my mind made up.  

now, if you're unfamiliar with CD, then i'll give you a quick update: bG is like the SONY of TVs but for CD.  it's like the GEICO for car insurance but for CD.  when you HEAR about CD, you first/usually hear about bG.  why?  it was the first, or one of the first, and it's ALL over.  with the advertisements, word-of-mouth, CD stores, on blogs... that's what people first hear about when it comes to CD. 

[now, the last time i was at buybuyBABY (we're so LUCKY to have not one but two in AZ.  why?  it's a Bed Bath & Beyond, but for babies!!!), i saw that bG diapers were now being carried there!!!  so awesome.  same price, BUT, you can use coupons there (you know those $5 off coupons from BBB or the 20% off?  yup, those.  also, doesn't matter if they're expired.  YUP.  you're welcome. :)]

OR people hear about gDiapers because Babies 'R Us carries them (their only CD they carry, by the way).  when i was looking at CD and i was at B 'R Us, i couldn't believe how *expensive* gDiapers were!  all i thought was, how am i going to afford THOSE?!  so, i kept looking for other affordable options.  


anyway, back to my requests for Jakki to find me diapers suitable for my needs.


she suggested two: Tots Bots and Fuzzibunz. 


Fuzzibunz One-Size Diaper

- below are videos to demonstrate how to use/the deets of the diaper.
- i got these in Crushed Berries (a darkish pinkish purple) and Grape (purple- the color above doesn't do it justice... it's truly a grape purple!)- both BEAUTIFUL colors!
- J suggested this for me for the adjustable elastic. (let's be frank: i have ONLY adjusted my *diapers* two times.  yes, it's a brilliant concept that nobody else can use (she patented it), but i haven't nearly used the elastic as much as i thought i would.)  also, comes with an extra elastic.
- top-of-the-line product. 
- i was impressed with how easy this diaper was to use.
- ONLY comes in snaps (this is where i was introduced to snaps... more durability, but i'll blog about that later).
- can last up to 14 hours overnight = perfect solution for a nighttime diaper!!!
- a bit bulky once both inserts are in the diaper.
- ONE-SIZE diaper... meaning, you can use it from NB to potty training = ONLY diaper you'll ever need to purchase!  
- quick drying time (the inserts are separate from the shell.  often, i throw them in the washer with the inserts still in there, AND they fall out in the wash... sometimes they have fallen out, so i just pull out the inserts as i throw the diapers in the wash.  so easy.  takes < 2 minutes.)
- this has contained the MOST blowouts of BLOWOUTS.  i've never had them leak.  have my girls maxed out the absorbency/ability of the diaper?  absolutely.  every stain has come out, and i've never had anything seep from the diapers (i had that in disposable diapers).
- comes with two microfiber inserts (one short, one long), which can be dried separately (in the dryer while the diaper needs to be line-dried)! 
- the inner is laced with fleece, and the outside shell is waterproof.  (i did have a problem and still do with the man-made fabric.  my girls are quite sensitive to man-made fabric, which is why i have since then had to switch to a different type of diaper inner material.  later, i'll blog about it.)
- even so, this is still a GREAT diaper.  

   
if the site doesn't work, then visit here.

  
if the site doesn't work, then visit here.

   
if the site doesn't work, then visit here. 

 
if the site doesn't work, then visit here.

Tots Bots' Easy Fit

- got this one in white. :)  (right, what was i thinking!?  no, not at all.  i remember the first time my girls pooped into it... no joke... because of the sun, EVERYTHING came OUT.  can't even tell.  AND, I GOT A WHITE ONE!)  they do have BEAUTIFUL colors, though!  we got white because i needed two, and they had other colors but just one.
- this also is a ONE-SIZE diaper.
- an AIO (All-In-One) diaper, which means that no inserts are needed.
- J chose this one for me because even though it's an AIO diaper, it also has a "tongue" feature where the "insert" pops in/out for quicker drying time (even for an AIO!)!!!  (this is my ONLY AIO diaper x2 because i don't like how long they take to dry compared to the pockets/prefolds/covers...)
- the inner diaper is layered with bamboo (natural fibers which are BEST for a baby's skin) and the opposite side of the "tongue" is microfiber.  
- contains high-quality aplix closure (velcro), so it closely resembles a disposable diaper.
- easy to use and great for people who need it be as EASY as possible (dads, grandparents, daycare, church).
- not bulky at all. :)  i put these on my girls when i don't want them to have a CD booty!  ha ha ;)
- can only last for about three hours... and, that's max.  why?  doesn't have high absorbency.  i don't know why.  if i could change one thing about this diaper, then i would change that.  definitely NOT an overnight diaper.  an option?  you can place more inserts in there.  however, i did that (placed an extra microfiber insert), and even though, it still maxed out at 4 hours. :(
- have i ever had blowouts with this diaper?  no.  it has kept EVERYTHING in, but sometimes when i've opened the diaper, it's COMPLETELY full. :)
- would i recommend it?  absolutely.  is it for long periods of time?  no way.
 
 
if the site doesn't work, then visit here.

 
if the site doesn't work, then visit here.


the same day, we also purchased:

- a Planet Wise Wet Bag (medium)
(i wanted one since the last visit, BUT i didn't foresee myself going anywhere at first- traveling with CD, i mean- so, i didn't get it.  i love that this bag.  the fabric is adorable, and its liner separates from the inner liner... so there are two layers.  i did think that this was pricey at $16.95, however i did find cheaper ones later on...)

when we left, we were SO excited to try our diapers for the first time!!!  :)

what are YOUR favorite pockets/AIO diapers?

the MANY types of CD: prefolds/covers and start-up stash with accessories

yup.  it's true.

when our girls were 5 weeks old, we decided that they were big enough to "fit" into CD since they must have been around 8lbs. (a guess.)  up until that point, i knew, or thought (haha) i knew which type of CD we were eventually going to invest in.  but, even though i really wanted to do this, my thinking was (as i've already mentioned this before)- are we REALLY going to follow-through with this after making such a huge investment?  no matter how much we make an investment in something sometimes, there's always a chance that we don't follow through.  it's a HUGE risk, considering the $ and time invested.  i was determined to make it work, but still.  forking all that $ over for... what? OMG, the chance that it doesn't work?

so, we started small.  by small, i mean the price.  our initial stash was from our local homegrown CD store, Zoolikins.  below is the package that we had.

prefolds/covers 

we started with the simplicity package- infant, which consisted of:
- 36 Bumkins prefolds (the unbleached cotton fabric rectangles above)
- 6 Thirsties covers in the above colors
- 3 Snappis (in lieu of the lovely diaper pins that the former generations used ;)

we ended up purchasing:
- four additional covers (thanks, mom!) in white (totally recommend it, although i was super nervous about the ~poop~ with it, haha) and bright blue.
- a couple of extra Snappis (purple for Willow Kate and pink for Coral Bliss, of course!).
- disposable liners (catches the poop?  no way!  we were hooked.  do i recommend it for people just starting out?  absolutely.  it's a nice "introduction" to CD/poopy diapers.  for months, i didn't use them, and i just started using them again.  why?  i was given 200 of them for free. :)  why else?  they do save "time/effort" when cleaning the diaper IF you're not immediately placing it in the wash OR it's formula/solids' poop. :)  also, they are biodegradable!  score!!!  just so you know, though- do they cover the diaper and catch the entire waste?  NO.  but, they are a GREAT alternative to using a diaper spray or not wanting to fool with a poopy diaper.)

- a diaper spray (i already planned on this, but my hubby said that if we were going to CD, then this would be a necessity- haha; honestly, this is a LIFESAVER.  highly recommend getting this IF you plan on seriously CD.  you will not regret it.  and, when your CD days are over, you can multi-use it for your hemorrhoids, feminine hygience, and pregnancy and postpartum hygiene!)

- Kissaluvs' terry cloth wipes (i wasn't so sure about this, but decided that we would try it.  honestly, at first, i didn't use them... for a week or two.  i thought that we'd just do the CD and disposable wipes = BIG MISTAKE.  when you do that, you need to separate the wipes from the CD afterward.  who wants to sift through that?  no thanks.  it's another waste of time and money.  so, we started to use these.  no thanks.  why?  they're washcloths.  and, very non-user friendly.  too thick to serve its purpose.  i became discouraged as i wanted to CD with CW, but i didn't know what i needed, but something thinner and lighter that resembled a regular disposable wipe.  so, my mom whipped up some flannel wipes for me around the same size as a disposable wipe, and we LOVED them.  since then, months later, those are still the only ones we've used.  the best part?  completely reusable.  just throw it in the wash with my diapes... plus, don't have to worry about my wipes "drying out" or my hubby using "too many"- as they do that!  later, i'll get more in-depth with the "solution" i use with my CW.)

- a purple pail liner (love it!  bought a standard flip-up waste can that is sort of like this one, and you don't need a fancy one.  instead of stepping on the bottom, you press the top, and it pops open.  in there, i have my liner.  this liner is awesome.  it eliminates odor while still preserving the wetness of the diaper so that, come wash day, it's good to wash the stains out.)

now, with all that said.  i used the Snappis, but hated them.  i suppose hate is a strong word.  i disliked them because sometimes, i'd get really good fits with the prefolds, and sometimes i'd fight the cotton for something decent.  it was like a war.  a struggle.  okay, i exaggerate.  regardless, i didn't prefer them.

why?

i wanted something easy, and these didn't feel easy with me.  below is a video on five different prefold options (God Bless YouTube!).  i did #1 (but with more cotton in the front- don't ask me why as it's not like i have boys- haha) at first.  sometimes, i got a really great fit as i mentioned.  it wasn't easy, though.

then, when we revisited Zoolikins later (7 weeks), the owner showed me a similar fit to #4... to stuff the dumb prefold in the cover.  i felt so dumb when i saw that.  i said those exact words to her, too.  lol.  i felt dumb that i didn't think of that, but i liked that.  i liked that i could reuse the cover once i change out the prefold at a diaper change AND i liked that i could stuff the diapers ahead of time.  brilliance.)

anyway, i did #1 and #4 folds:



if the link doesn't work, then visit here.

now, my CHIEF complaint about the prefolds is that they weren't suitable for nighttime/longer periods (2-3+ hours) AND they were quite bulky to sit a baby in a carseat (my girls would literally have trouble sitting correctly because of the bulkiness, but remember... i did the #1 and #4 folds).

however, i was researching prefold videos and saw this video below.  duh.  i now want to try that nighttime solution.  haha!!!



if the link doesn't work, then visit here.

below is another fabulous fold to maximize the absorbency... what's nice about prefolds is that you can try so many different folds until you find the one you love.  i did and that is to stuff the cover with the prefold ahead of time- sort of like with a pocket (more on that later).  mind you, this person below is using a larger prefold- NOT an infant one.



if the link doesn't work, then visit here.

finally, i want to also inform you that prefolds DO take a lot of initial prep time- about 6 washes, BUT once you do that, there won't be anymore insane prep.

would i recommend prefolds to anyone?  absolutely.  totally worth it and we have no regrets about our initial diaper stash/investment.  to this day, my girls are 8 months old, and we still use them!  :)

i leave you with this BRILLIANT idea on how to CD on a budget... with those numerous receiving blankets that you have around your house!!!  or, you can go pick up several at a store and make them work! :)  see the video below for more details.



if the link doesn't work, then visit here.

what are your thoughts on prefolds/covers?

eight months

our girls turned eight months today on 8/10/11!

where.does.time.go?

as they near closer to one year, i can't help but have mixed emotions with all that we have experienced these past eight months... most importantly, gabriel and and my life was changed... forever... as were the girls' lives!

became a mama for the first time.  to twins.  identical.  girls.  surreal then, and sometime surreal now.  second nature, it has become, though.  naps, feedings, pumping, juggling both, co-managing double tears, cloth diapers x2... have i done this before?  never.  i would like to say that...

we were all thrown into the headbands, matching-outfits, coordinating earrings, toothless grins with beautiful deep-blue-black-hole eyes....

they are so different now than eight months ago... it's amazing to see how much growth a person can have through measurable length... born as preemies with 4#15 and 18" and 4#14 and 19" in such a low percentile for their weight, yet, they're now growing like little beautiful weeds with their height and holding their own with their weight.

i feel so old in one way, but i feel so young in another light... partly because my daughters bring out so much youth to my life.  they envision things and have different glasses on than i do with my own blue-with-yellow-laces-eyes...

did i think that i'd look at a ceiling fan the same way months ago?  hardly.
did i think i could love two little babies of mine this much?  sounded far off.
did i think that i'd be able to leave them and return to work?  definitely not.  so glad that i didn't.  so privileged that God blessed us with such beautiful gifts that i had a safe escape to not return to work.
would it have been a different story with one baby?  i don't know.  it's never been about one baby; i have two.  always has been two, always will be two.
did i think we'd have identical twin girls?  jokes aside, wasn't a thought in my mind that God would split my egg.  betcha your cards that i'm so thankful that He did.

we're so blessed with our miraculous babies... they are a dream not wished, but a dream come true.

we love you, willow kate and coral bliss!

love, tati si mama :)

baby acne

on my girls, i've noticed that they sometimes get these little red bumps (spots) like we did when we were teenagers or in our early adulthood. :)

anyway, i found this article on homeopathic treatments of baby acne. :)

day 7 and then some...

jeez, i just need to get on it. sorry that it's been awhile for me to blog about the rest of what happened, so here we go to sum it all:

my wound vac was put on, and we were only concerned about my blood levels in order to discharge me. it took into the mid-afternoon until they told us that i would be discharged... i asked when... asap...


very nice, folks. :) but, you mean, i have to take these kids home and take care of them myself?! i mean, with gab and family??? that's it... that's how we do this...?

my sister and brother were driving in from back home (SoCal), and we weren't sure where we'd be by the time they were arriving... turns out, we were still at the hospital, so they met us there.  for the first time ever, my sis and brother were thrown into, hey... hi... we're packing, can you hold her?  and, we'd go back to packing... talk about wasting no time!

LOLOLOLOLOL.  so funny!

they relished their first moments as a new aunt/uncle.  the girls were so fragile and small that they looked like little dolls as my siblings held them... of course, many photos later, we finally were leaving this room that we had called "ours" for so long.  leaving the babies' first home... to bring them to ours.

since it was so late, and i pretty much had missed my final hospital dinner (bittersweet feelings about that), we decided on salvadorean food down the street... which is what i really wanted originally when i found out that i'd be delivering at that hospital... lol.

mind you, i hadn't been OUT of the hospital in seven days.  it felt like a strange new beginning... to.finally.leave.  BUT, supposedly, hospital policy (and, i can't remember if i posted about this before) is to have the mom "carry" out the baby because we carry them in our bellies and we have to "carry" them out... nobody else.  isn't that strange?!  i've never heard of that, but then again, i've never been a mother until now.  yet, i thought that the women always held the baby(ies) because they were so proud... didn't know that it was hospital stipulation.  :)

anyway, since my girls had been discharged the day before, i "technically" didn't have to "carry" them out.  however, i had gone through a battlezone and i earned every gold medal to carry them in my arms and be pushed through in a wheelchair to the entrance... and, along the way... goodness, babies are precious.  when you carry twins, let alone girls, let alone identical TWINS... they are instant celebrities.  the most random people walked up to gab and me, commenting, congratulating, sharing their baby stories... it was such a beautiful moment of which to be proud... these girls are OURS, and "welcome to the world," girls!  this is what life looks like outside of a hospital room.  lol.

my mom had chosen their "going-home" preemie outfits the night before... and, they were still swimming in them!  they wore their hospital hats with "A" and "B" written on them (for my brother and sister to identify them since they just met them... what am i joking!  until weeks later, we couldn't ID them if not for their hospital anklet and bracelets! lol).

the girls looked darling in their outfits, and... while gab went to get the car, i was counting the moments and hoping to God that they wouldn't start wailing at the same time in front of the hospital entrance where i'm waiting in a wheelchair for my husband to pick us up!!!  LOL!!!  and?!  they didn't!  they made me look like such a good mom.  :)

on the way home after picking up our tamales and pupusas, they did start to cry in the car, but calmed down immediately.  they weren't used to the movement.  when we got home, i made sure that i got out and approached our pups inside by myself... i read that.  make sure that you approach the animals by yourself and allow them time to smell you... then, slowly we let the pups near the babies once we brought the babies in... a gradual process.  and, they were fine.  there was no jealousy, just acceptance, which was a relief!

since then, i'll narrate it very quickly:
my wound vac was D/Ced because the home health nurse didn't administer the tape before the black sponge; therefore, i got many blisters and rashes around/under the tape/incision... it was awful.  we ended up going with another nursing company.  that one was miserably awful.  my new girl was from nigeria and such a lovely woman!  they moved me to a wet-to-dry dressing (with an open wound!!!), which means she had to pack my incision every day with gauze, place a bandage around it, and put adhesive around it that i wasn't allergic to.
from that, i obviously got three infections, one which was quite UNcommon.  of course, that's me!  medically, i go all out!!!  they placed me on antibiotics, which then turned into further infections... for my lack of taking a probiotic in place.
women: take a probiotic whenever you take an antibiotic.  otherwise, your body is imbalanced, and all of your good bacteria is also killed.
weeks later, my wound finally closed... my sister, my nurse, and gab all had to change the dressings some time or another... each day.  i have so many medical supplies left that it's insane. :)  yay, i should put together our emergency kit with them! :)
just to let you know... it took seven weeks for my wound to finally close naturally.  towards the end, they used a calcium alginate dressing, which helped close it.
on the other hand, i still have an infection that i'm fighting... oh, happy day!

it's amazing all that i've gone through... medically, emotionally, physically, mentally... and, am still going through.  i remember what one of the nurses from the first company said to me...

at least, you got two girls to show for it.  some people don't have that when a wound vac is placed... and, you got two beautiful girls to show for it.

absolutely.  we do.

day 4

when i woke up, i knew that i wouldn't be going home that day, which then means that my c-section hospital stay would be longer than the average... oh great, once again... i feel like i am not the average hospital/medical patient since i always have so many abnormal things going on...

early in the morning, just like every other morning, the doctors came to check on me.  one of the surgeons (a female) who performed my surgery, but also a doctor from my doctor's office (a high-risk speciality office)... i never knew who was representing the practice.  regardless, i updated Dr. L. on the previous night, and showed her where my skin had hardened the night before.  what i forgot to write about yesterday was that after i started bleeding out, the skin softened around my incision instead of the rock hard pressure surrounding my incision.  with a permanent marker, Dr. L. drew around my incision where my skin had hardened.  surprisingly, by now, it wasn't soft anymore, but the areas had become harder... much more than originally.  she also drew around that, and i forgot what it was called.  oh wait, it's called induration... the depth of the problem.

at this point, my blood levels weren't between 2 and 3 (of course not!  that'd be too easy), and i knew that two things were still keeping me there- 1- blood level and 2-incision problem.  that night... we had a reoccurrence of events.  late at night, getting ready for bed, and as i'm standing next to the sink, suddenly i felt a warm liquid... in my black pants.  oh yes, we have greatness once again!

let's go for ROUND TWO... yet again.  it wasn't fun enough the first time that i'm begging for a round two!  oh boy, it was so frustrating... i knew that i'd have quite a stay ahead of me... so, once i was all cleaned up, we finally headed to bed after i realized that i was running out of clothes due to my bleeding blood. :(

and, for tomorrow?  just wait.  it gets even better! :)  or, should that be a sad face?  :(

day 3

i was excited for day 3.  until now, each day, they had been checking my anticoagulant levels... weaning me off of lovenox and onto coumadin.  usually, on days 3 or 4, a woman who had a c-section gets to go home.  so, as long as my levels were between 2 and 3 (thin enough for nothing to happen, but for regular people, it's usually between 1 and 2), then we'd get to go home!!!

meanwhile, the babies' pediatrician continued to visit them, and it's strange... "suddenly" the nurses thought that our babies had jaundice?!  but the NICU didn't think so?!  interesting.  turns out, no jaundice... thank God.

regardless, i could tell that my milk was going to come in... pins, needles, and marbles is what you feel like when engorged!  no fun! :(  that day, we also had visitors... an old family friend and a co-worker of mine.  it was great to see everyone!  but, later that night... something crazy happened.

i was going to take another shower, and the nurse was worried about the area around my incision... was starting to get very hard and big underneath... she said that she was worried that they might be hematomas.  in my head, i was thinking what is that?!  i guess a big blood blister could be a way to describe them.  anyway, she wanted me to take a shower, which i did.  i was careful with everything, and then...

after i lathered lotion all over my body, i felt something dripping all over my body, and i look down and BLACK BLOOD is streaming down from around my mid-section, which i thought was from elsewhere!  then i realized that it was seeping from my incision area!!!  immediately, i pulled that emergency cord in the bathroom and screamed for help (my mom was in the room, and she ran to get a nurse).  the nurse was so calm and helped me out... i was so freaked... black blood?  what is going wrong now?  why can't anything ever be simple with my medical situations? 

at this point, i knew that i wouldn't be going home anytime soon if 1- they didn't regulate my blood levels OR 2- they didn't get this bleeding under control...

day 2

it was Sunday.  when my mom got there, we went to see the girls... and, what a sight that was!

imagine you're in a wheelchair, and you round the corner to the hallway to which your babies' rooms connect, and you see YELLOW CAUTION TAPE, blocking off the other side of the hallway with many nurses, doctors wearing surgical scrubs, AND masks... IN FRONT OF YOUR BABY'S ROOM?!?! 

(note: at the same time, the "financial services department" called me on the hallway phone, and wanted me to make payments right then and there!  i was flabbergasted, quite upset, and pretty much hung up after telling them to contact my insurance!)

i freaked out in my mind, asking Gab to go check on our baby to see what was wrong.  i didn't know if our baby was okay or not.  i didn't know if they were in her room or not because they blocked off her room.  he just about sprinted there!  my mom and i waited on our side, waiting... they told Gab that he couldn't pass... turns out, they were doing surgery in somebody's room... on the baby NEXT DOOR!  apparently, it's easier to do the surgery there than anywhere else!  the major bummer part was that we couldn't go see our daughter over there, and surgery was going to take awhile.  we were disappointed because that's a possibility of NOT having your babies with you, but also separated in the NICU!

meanwhile, i was so upset with financial services calling... the audacity!  on a Sunday?!  especially when i was emotional since we couldn't see our other baby?!  so, i'm not sure who suggested this, but our sweet nurse heard us talking about our disappointment, and suddenly left... returning with our other baby!!!  we were so overwhelmed with joy because this was the first time that we were all together since birth!!!  that was the first time that we were able to see, side-by-side, how identical these girls really were! 

then, in the midst of all our happiness, the doctors come in talking about DCing (discharging) our babies from the NICU, saying that they were doing better, but nutritionally speaking, weren't eating as much as they should!  regardless, they said that they'd start the paperwork.

it happened much sooner than we thought... i mean, my mom and i had lunch, went back to my room, and the nurse comes in to tell me that i need to start packing up because they're moving me to the maternity ward... the pod that i was in was for women post-op, and no room for babies.

so, within a couple of hours, we were in a new larger room, and just as i was about to get some shut-eye, everybody came in with the NICU nurses pushing our babies in the bassinets... and, it was so funny... the nurses from both hospitals had to read off the hospital bracelets to make sure that the wrong babies weren't being released to us... sort of in a top-secret military operation!

and, then... finally!  we were together for the first time as a little family!  man, that first night... we were awoken just about EVERY hour and a half!  you should have seen Gab!  i'm sure that we looked quite awful the following day with the little sleep that we did get!

by then, i was trying to BF, but i was in-between getting colostrum and getting my milk, so we just used formula.  we were hoping that my milk would come in soon!

day 1

apparently, the day after a surgery is when the countdown to go home starts a.k.a. "day 1."  i don't know why they don't start it immediately following the actual surgery.  my nurse woke me up early in the morning, and wanted to take the catheter out and start me on solids.  i was pumped to be able to eat, however, that hospital food was quite a joke.  i'm supposed to be breastfeeding twins, and they send enough food to last me for a snack?!  i was shocked.  later, in my visit, i did convince them to give me a menu (like any decent hospital should have for specific dietary options and like the previous hospital, in which i stayed in '09, had one) and ordered so much more food for each meal!  since i was back on coumadin (my anticoagulant), i had to be careful about what i ate since i couldn't eat too much vitamin k... (go here for more information).

our plan for the day was to get ready and, obviously, visit our babies. :)  my mom was at the house, cleaning, organizing, and would come later.  i'll be honest... it was strange to wake up the following morning (Saturday).  it felt surreal that we were parents and that the babies were, in fact, here... after they were with me for so long.  a good night of rest did us some good because we had been exhausted and felt re energized!  quickly, we got ready, and went down to see them.  i was so thankful that i wasn't connected to any other machines!

the babies were in separate rooms, which i think that i've already mentioned.  even though they are twins, they had to be separated and sometimes had different nurses.  we couldn't take one out of her room to bring to the other room and be with her sister, so we had to keep going back and forth... i felt kinda bad about that... which room do we attend first?  how long do we stay since we have another baby next door?  their rooms were next door but separated by a hallway.

one nurse happened to be taking care of both babies, which was very helpful... yet, we were told that the babies weren't eating as much as they should... they had enough void/stool (wet/poopy) diapers, but, they weren't in taking enough food.  to be discharged from the NICU, a baby has to demonstrate enough diapers, eating, no jaundice, stable vitals and great response.  the great part was that they no longer had trouble breathing or bruising, yet until they met those other requirements, they'd still be patients.  i was nervous about them being in the NICU because i didn't know how long they'd be there, however, we knew they were in the best hands.

our babies were so tiny, full of life, and just oh-so-adorable!  they had the biggest skinniest feet and the biggest hands, but the skinniest extra long bodies!  it was amazing how identical they were!  we had never seen babies that small, let alone hold them!  i think that i can speak for the both of us when i say that we were completely in awe.  these are ours?!  when the doctors would come in, they'd want to address "Mom," and i kept turning to my mom!  i wasn't used to hearing that!  lol!

how much time is enough time to spend with your newborn preemies when they're elsewhere?  i don't know how much time is enough, but it didn't feel like enough... spending the day there and seeing their hearing tests conducted (they passed), going back up to our room to rest, visitors coming (my mom's cousin, her husband, and our friends) to see the babies.... the babies had to stay there, and it felt strange to leave them... almost like they were being abandoned, but not.  i don't know how twisted that sounds, but it just felt wrong to leave them... but, we had no choice.

also, we were told that they had a chance of going home if they started eating better... we were stoked!  however, it all depended on how they made it through the night... our nurse was telling us to get our rest and that they'd keep them in the NICU.. :)  sweet of her now that we know how sleepless nights are!!!

p.s. EVERYBODY kept asking us what their names were, and we hadn't officially decided.  my mom was with us, and we didn't have much time to discuss it because we were so overwhelmed with the babies' stay in the NICU and my recovery... we had some names we liked that we had tossed around for awhile, but nothing official.  no matter what names we liked, we always came back to liking the original ones... so, since we hadn't officially named them yet (i was still overwhelmed with them being there and we were exhausted from everything), they were just A and B.  but, not the A and B that were labeled in me... towards the end, the letters switched because the breech baby was presenting first, so they delivered her first.  it was confusing for the nurses and everybody else to talk about their version of A and B, and i always had to stop and picture the babies in me to know what they were discussing....

the delivery...

so, as you all know... our identical twin girls, Willow Kate and Coral Bliss were delivered, via c-section on 12/10/10!  they were born prematurely at 36 weeks, which is common for identical twins to alleviate any Twin to Twin Transfusion problem (one twin getting more fluids than the other or possible brain damage).

as for the actual surgery, they took me into the freezing, lifeless-colored operating room.  there were so many doctors and nurses and once the babies were born, that # doubled!  i mean, at least four doctors and seven nurses at first!  anyway, i had a spinal (i forgot why, but it had something to do with my blood clot history).  before the surgery, i was EXTREMELY nervous about the anesthesia and not waking up.  i was so scared that something bad would happen to me, to my babies... i didn't want to die.  you hear about stories like that all of the time for "routine procedures/surgeries."  the anesthesiologist did his best to reassure me, but before a surgery, i always feel like this.  anyway, it didn't hurt as badly as i thought it would... and, once that had really seeped into my system and done the trick, they brought my husband in.  he asked the anesthesiologist if he could watch... the doctor looked at him with that are you serious?  most guys can't handle it because they get faint, and Gab reiterated that he was, in fact, serious.

so, yes, he watched them cut me open... i'd ask him does it look gross?  weird?  and, he later told me that he didn't really want to answer those questions because of the actual truth.  LOL!  it's funny... they put the open blue pad over my belly for where they were to cut... i felt like i was watching Grey's Anatomy.  :)  they had put the "curtain" over so i couldn't see, but they didn't know that the glass windows to the left which were about 15ft away reflected like a mirror the current happenings.  i felt like i was cheating, but i could see them cutting, a bit of red, and that's it.  and once they did start cutting, i didn't feel anything... what a strange feeling.

it only took about five-ten minutes before they actually got close to the babies... and, the rush of emotions, feelings when they announced that they were close was indescribable... and, when they announced that they were delivering the first one, i was at a loss for words.  it was peaceful, silent, and then a baby wailing as she's pulled from me with a great burden removed from my body... your body can be under anesthesia and numbed, yet you still feel that removal. was almost like an oxymoron.  i cried for my daughter had a healthy cry and i was emotional.

immediately, they whisked her away... i didn't even get to see her.  Gab did, and then, what felt like seconds later, they delivered the second baby, and again, we hear this deep wailing, and i cried again for my second child.  two babies, two blessings in less than one minute!  what a moment!  so, they whisked her away... and, as i was on the table, i turned to look through those glass windows into the room of where they were monitoring the babies in disbelief that those were our children... those were my babies that i had carried for so long, had taken care of, had protected, had fed, had comforted.... i then felt like okay, they're safe.  do whatever you need to do to me because they're safe and that's what matters.

then, they were brought to me for what-felt-like just a moment... first one, then the second, then both of them together... Gab got some not-so-great photos of this moment because we were so emotional.  anyway, i was still being operated on, so i couldn't hold them, and that's when they told me that they had to take them to the NICU because one was having trouble breathing (amniotic fluid in her lungs, which is normal for a baby, but usually through a vaginal delivery, the uterus contracts and the fluid is pumped out) and the other had bruising in spots a vertex (head down) baby shouldn't.  your.worst.nightmare.after.you.deliver.  what a mix of emotions!  it all happened so fast... Gab went with the nurses as they took our babies... the anesthesiologist was comforting and reassured/updated me throughout the entire surgery, especially when i kept asking at pivotal points what was going on... he continued to do that after the babies were taken out of the room, too.

after the OR, they take you to a recovery room.  by this point, i was very out of it.  the anesthesia makes you VERY ITCHY and TIRED.  the spinal prevented me from having feeling in my legs for another six hours or so.  it was such a strange feeling.  still, i didn't care about my body as i was heartbroken because i didn't know what was going on with my babies, my husband... and where was my mom?!  i was the only one in the recovery room and i remember that they got a phone call, and the nurse told me that my mom was on her way... finally, a face i'd recognize!!!  when my mom got there, i started balling and telling her that the babies were in the NICU, Gab was with them, and for her to find out what was going on.  she asked how i was feeling, and i said tired, itchy, and i don't feel the bottom half of my body... i sent her out of the room to find out and update me!  i was quite upset!

after an hour or so, i was taken to my room to recover, and no matter how much i wanted to rest, i couldn't.  i was so tired, but couldn't sleep.  i was too worried about my babies.  later Gab and my mom met me... telling me that the babies were doing better.  here's what they told me:

- both babies scored an 8 at first and five minutes later scored a 9.  

- Gab gave permission for them to have formula (i wasn't happy about it, but obviously, couldn't do anything about that.  i exclusively wanted to breastfeed.).

- they were in the Phoenix Children's Hospital (which, i didn't understand because we were in a separate hospital, but apparently PCH originally started in that NICU.).

- the baby (who had extra fluid around her heart and my doctors were monitoring the amount while she was in the womb) had to undergo tests, especially an echo, but everything came back fine...

- the babies had separate rooms and were so small... 

- the doctor told them that nobody told the babies that they'd be coming out of the womb today... they weren't ready.

i remember my mom kept telling me how beautiful they were and how amazed she was at how they looked so precious and gorgeous (something like that)... and, i barely could remember what they looked like since i saw them for brief moments... i kept asking her if she was being nice and truthful... LOL!

once i finally gained enough feeling in my legs, i was told to start moving around... so, of course, as i took a lap around the nurse's station, i stopped for a brief moment because a bed was in front of my doorway, and... i felt queasy.  yup.  i did.  i kept thinking, oh man, now i won't get real food for longer!  LOL!  i wasn't really hungry or tired, though even though people kept telling me to nap... i couldn't.  i was too anxious to see the babies.  finally, around 7p.m., we went down to see the babies... i didn't know how to feel, but i was VERY tired, and i have photos to prove!!!  also, i was SO itchy!  i felt like tearing my face off!

to go to the other hospital, we had to go down a hallway, in which we entered PCH.  so weird.  lol.  we went to the first room (Coral Bliss'), and i remember feeling distant, unsure of what to do.  yes, she's my child, but i didn't feel close to her.  is that easy to explain?  no.  i felt like when she was taken from me, along with her sister, that immediate closeness/bonding was stripped from all of us.  i understand that it was for everybody's safety, but still... after all of our time together, i felt like i had to reconnect with them.  then, we went to Willow Kate's room, and i was just so in awe that these two babies fit into my body!!!  HOW?!  i mean 10lbs. of baby?!?!  they must have been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon position!  LOL!

friends of ours came that evening to see them... and i just remember being very itchy and tired. at the end of the night, it was strange to leave my babies, after i had been with them for oh-so-long, go upstairs, and sleep in another room... however, we had no choice... by then, though, they were doing remarkably better, which was great news....

later, i will update the rest of our stay... :)
hats off to you if you read it this far! :) :) :)

little earthquakes

no, not tori amos' album.  :)

at 27 weeks, feeling little earthquakes at all times of the day!  the only way to explain the feeling/happening is... imagine you're dreaming, and you're falling off a cliff, and you have the deep pit feeling in your stomach?  that's sometimes what it feels like. :)

i have been feeling A and B's heads (since they're pretty much knocking on each other's bag, they're so close) press against my belly... above the b. button to my left... small size of an orange or so...

i think that i'm starting to feel both of them move around at the same time... or movement in two different areas.   i do feel a lot of movement around my b. button, though.

we'll see if i'm right. :)

update 10/10/10: YUP, i'm right.  i felt both move at the same time last night!  a bit of space out on both sides of my belly button, i felt them! 

babies in the ultrasound photos

i may not have posted photos from the ultrasound as of late, but it's because it's really hard to get a clear image of one or both of the babies...

IN FACT, we cannot get both of them in a single shot anymore!  isn't that wild?  that is because they are TOO BIG!  LOL

at 26 weeks (i'm almost 27- my age! lol), they are the size of the ENGLISH HOTHOUSE CUCUMBERS at 14 inches long!  wow!!!  i'm always fascinated with how long these are in the store!  also they weigh about 1lb., 11 oz...!!!

and, here's what a baby looks like at 26 weeks... in my case, i have two in there- both flip flopped!  i do know that A is in correct position, but B is breech as of our last visit (which, of course, i need to update on here!)!

the size of...

at 22 weeks, the babies are now the size of papayas

and as long as a spaghetti squash (love squash- favorite vegetable!)!

isn't that wild???

almost 1 lb.  wow!!!

also, no wonder i'm having leg cramp central- it's a common complaint around now, as well as trouble breathing!  these babies are taking all of my oxygen!!!  sometimes, it's just hard to exhale and say something!

6,000,000 what?

just read on the bump's weekly newsletter, that marks my pregnancy, that our baby girls have ALL of their 6,000,000 (six million) eggs in their womb!!!  by birth, that number will drop to 1,000,000 (one million) by birth!!!

also, in my other book, i read that they are the size of barbie and ken dolls.  LOL!!!  my favorite doll growing up (the former, not latter, lol)!

to point out, this is NOT the ken that MY barbie dated when i was younger!  LOL!  he had sandy brown hair.  :)  also, my mom got rid of all my barbies one day, and pure devastation set in.  :(

also, baby center said that our babies are measuring as long as carrots- 10 1/2" long and 3/4lbs.!!!  wowsers!!!