not again!!!

(note: this took place/was written two weeks ago on 9/15/11)


OMG.


the girls had finished Baby Signing Time (absolutely LOVE it; definitely, keeps my girls engaged!), and i look down to see Willow... covered in RED. 

she spilled out my red sorbet smoothie (complimentary of blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, some juice concentrate, a bit of apple juice, and ice) all on the ground (didn't even hear it spill, and it's right by me, lol), and did i tell you i was in the middle of PUMPING?  yup.    so, in between pausing my pumping time (and, i was wearing that bra), grab some wet washcloths to wash her down (she still smells so fruity) and clean up the mess.  she kept attempting to roll back into the mess and make it worse... of course, she succeeded in between my running to get more washcloths.  YAY!  lol. 


so, i clean it up, and obviously, decided to change her... let's do the diapers, too, shall we?  let's just change the whole outfits!  got new outfits (so cute by the way... the ones that they wore getting their ears pierced), and i was stoked that they still fit into them since they're 6mo. and the girls are "technically" in 12mo. clothes.  :)  


i change Willow's (wet) diaper/clothes and meanwhile Bliss is making an escape for the exit (i had opened the door because it was INCREDIBLY nice outside (for AZ in sept.).

 
i gave W the bottle while i was changing her, and she was content.


Bliss' turn.  i change her (poopy, with just one chunk of solid poop) diaper, and use two cloth wipes (they work wonders compare to the four i'd probably use with disposables).  meanwhile, W kept trying to grab for her dirty diaper (even though that was a good few feet away and she was drinking her bottle).  i kick that away... of course.  her bottle was just about empty, so i grabbed the diapers, went to the kitchen to grab a BM bottle that i had just heated up in the bottle warmer (i've been able to pump a lot lately storing at night- more about that later).


i return, and lightly (not as bad as last time, but in a calmer tone) shriek...


no, Willow!

she had that chunk IN HER RIGHT HAND, playing with it like play-doh!  i tried to grab it, but it split into two chunks, so i was trying to pick up the chunks as fast as possible, put them with the diapers in my hand, see that Bliss has ONE of the wipes in her hand, so i grab that, too (she HATED that, of course, shocker, right?) and take W into the bathroom, put the diapers on the toilet, wash her hands (so sudsy and thoroughly, lemme tell you), and i return for sissy to do the same thing again.

they were pretty upset with me.  i wonder why.  and, now homegirls are napping away... :)

and, how is YOUR day going so far? ;)


the story of my twin girls!

the MANY types of CD: pockets, part 3

this post has been a long time coming.  so, please forgive me that i'm only writing now... 9 months in (well, my girls are almost 10 months). :)  


when i started CDing, it evolved into this amazing quest to find the best type of diaper for my baby girls... which has turned into many Saturday nights, browsing/salivating (haha) at the new adorable prints/redesigned diapers out there on the market.  a dumb, yet exciting hobby this has turned into.  :)  as you've read, my babies tend to have a bit more "sensitive" skin, although they have never broken out into a rash like i hear about some sposie babies... yet, the ones that i loved so much-- the FuzziBunz's fabric was man-made and therefore my girls developed some reactions to it... as they did to any that had fleece on the inner layer of the CD.  


so, as i mentioned, i begun a quest to find a more affordable diaper (seriously, the cost quickly stacks up!), but one that is bamboo.  why bamboo?  read more here about why i decided to further my addiction with CD and go with bamboo.


meanwhile, i "liked"/"subscribed" to many CD business pages, including Kawaii.  from time to time, people ask which is everybody's favorite CD and why... so, the OCD person that i am, i always google every type of manufacturer that i've never heard of... which is what brought me to BubuBibi.


i haven't made a purchase since (albeit, gifts count for others, right? :)- which was about four months ago.  my husband and i are very happy with these diapers.  they are AFFORDABLE, ADORABLE, and COMFORTABLE.  now, these are an "off-brand" (not the FB, bumGenius, Blueberry) which are manufactured in China, but who cares?  they are BAMBOO with BAMBOO inserts, and my girls have NOT had a problem with them.  


so, i introduce...


BubuBibi


 (Willow Kate and Coral Bliss, at 6mo., modeling their BubuBibi Bamboo Pocket Minky Diapers)


- pockets.
- one-size diaper.
- snaps.
- two bamboo inserts (much more durable than the Kawaii ones).
- BAMBOO on the inner part of the diaper.
- easy slot to stuff the diapers like these Kawaii diapers.
- fun prints/solid colors.
- easily holds any type of blowout, restraining the waste within the diaper.
- QUITE affordable.
- shipping charged per diaper... so, if you only want to buy one, then you don't have to spend a huge amount.  most places prefer you spend at least $30 for free shipping.
- we got the BubuBibi Bamboo Pocket Minky Diaper in Cow and Zebra (both are so cute... my girls are wearing a cow shirt to match).
- the fabric feels a bit sturdier/flexible than the Kawaii Mom Label diapers.
- would i recommend these?  absolutely.  the bamboo is such a soft alternative to man-made fabrics.

- the ONLY thing about these is... they can be bulky (due to the minky exterior) when both inserts are placed... and, by bulky, i mean your kid's butt will look a bit large. :)

(Willow Kate and Coral Bliss, at 6mo., modeling their BubuBibi Bamboo Pocket Plain Diapers)

- we got the plain ones in purple (as seen above), white, peach, (below) red, and yellow.  i think that's all.  love them!  they are quite lightweight considering all.
- everything applicable about the other CD applies except this diaper isn't as bulky and doesn't have a minky exterior.

(Coral Bliss and Willow Kate at 6mo., modeling their BubuBibi Bamboo Pocket Print Diapers)

- we have two types of this diaper (this one above, obviously), and another that is a beautiful purple color.  it's not listed on the site, so it's like a lighter grape-version of this diaper.

- these are like the Kawaii Jeans' Print... no triple snap to hold in any side leaks.  now, have i had a problem?  never.  these diapers are just so cute! 

- the insert is different than my other diapers. you can snap it into the diaper, which sounds a bit strange. :)  half of the insert is made of microfiber whereas the front part of the snap is bamboo.  look here for what i mean.

- these diapers don't have an extra snap for the legs, but i haven't had an issue with these diapers coming undone.  they still have held in any type of waste.

- the slot in the back of the diaper allows you to stuff more diapers inside. :)

to faithfully compare, the hardest thing is that hardly anybody makes bamboo pocket diapers... through my research, i only found a few who deal with bamboo, let alone if they are pockets.  some diapers are just AIO Bamboo CD- not pockets.  but, for comparison's sake, i did come across Blueberry Diapers, yet they do not come with bamboo inserts. do you see the price comparison???

now, lemme say something... we paid SO LITTLE compared to other companies.  i roughly spent the same as buying 8-10 FB CD!  would i recommend this company to anyone?  absolutely yes.  its products are such a diverse selection, as well as quite durable.  going with what i know now, i probably would only look at bamboo (these diapers) from now on.  we have found our diapers that best suit everybody's needs. :)  plus, they haven't broken the bank!  look at the prices!  are they worth it to you?  they were for us.  the quality is that superb!

NOW, let's say that you want VELCRO instead of SNAPS.  here's an affordable solution (again, found this through a CD forum on FB), however, i do know that BubuBibi also offers velcro, so you'd have to ask about that when inquiring about diapers.

some other things we also got from BubuBibi are:

Bamboo Nursing Pads

- i've tried many types of cloth nursing pads (tried the disposable ones- not enough coverage), including cotton Uddercover ones, cotton ones my mom made, and two types of bamboo pads.  these by BubuBibi are AMAZING.  nothing quite like them. 

- my nipples don't dry/bleed/stick to the (disposable) pad when removing it... i've never had a problem with them bleeding- unlike from what i've heard with other women.  

- also, never had a problem with these at all.  LOVE them.  they are so soft.  

- these pads are SO comfortable it's not even funny.  the bamboo on both sides is the one i like the best- not the one that has a backing liner on one side and bamboo on the other.  i use these every day.  if you were to buy these, i'd buy 5 sets.

- throw them in the wash with other CD or the kids' laundry. :)

- switch them to the other side to get extra usage out of them.  one set will last for two days if you do it that way. :)

- [why not disposable pads?  i tried and didn't like those nursing pads.  your nipples are going to be quite sensitive and always ready to BF...from when your milk comes in until you stop pumping/BFing.  with the disposable pads, it wasn't enough coverage (can still see them through the shirt) and didn't comfort me.]

Disposable Liners

- i'd recommend these at BubuBibi.  other ones that i have tried aren't as soft and are more expensive.  i've also tried the Viscose Disposable Liners, but i like the Bamboo Liners the best.  either way, definitely an affordable solution for those messy diapers.

- when i could "predict" my girls' poopy diapers (around 3mo.-6mo., they'd poop from 12-3p.m.), i'd put a liner on, and it was an easy fix.  otherwise, i used my Diaper Sprayer to clean up any messes.

Wet Bags

- perfect for any family, CD or not.  WHY?  wet diapers, out and about, travelling, bathing suits, swimming, camping, hold dirty baby utensils/baby food storage containers...

- i have three from this company: a medium-size one in Giraffe (is quite cute) for travelling/out and about/contain any CD; a large-size one in Butterflies that holds all my girls' frozen teethers/toys in there, which are perfect for 2mo. of age+; and, an extra-large-size one in Yellow (GREAT zipped up bag for when you are travelling and continue to CD.  great alternative to a pail liner.)

- i recommend having at least three (one for frozen food, one for dirty diapers, and one big one for travelling)- and they are quite inexpensive if you choose to buy them through BubuBibi. 

one more thing... i see that JackBeNatural now carries these BubuBibi products... albeit for a higher rate.  

so, what do you think?  you ready to exclusively CD now? :)  is it affordable as you once hoped/ imagined? :)  what do you think you'll try out first?

day 7 and then some...

jeez, i just need to get on it. sorry that it's been awhile for me to blog about the rest of what happened, so here we go to sum it all:

my wound vac was put on, and we were only concerned about my blood levels in order to discharge me. it took into the mid-afternoon until they told us that i would be discharged... i asked when... asap...


very nice, folks. :) but, you mean, i have to take these kids home and take care of them myself?! i mean, with gab and family??? that's it... that's how we do this...?

my sister and brother were driving in from back home (SoCal), and we weren't sure where we'd be by the time they were arriving... turns out, we were still at the hospital, so they met us there.  for the first time ever, my sis and brother were thrown into, hey... hi... we're packing, can you hold her?  and, we'd go back to packing... talk about wasting no time!

LOLOLOLOLOL.  so funny!

they relished their first moments as a new aunt/uncle.  the girls were so fragile and small that they looked like little dolls as my siblings held them... of course, many photos later, we finally were leaving this room that we had called "ours" for so long.  leaving the babies' first home... to bring them to ours.

since it was so late, and i pretty much had missed my final hospital dinner (bittersweet feelings about that), we decided on salvadorean food down the street... which is what i really wanted originally when i found out that i'd be delivering at that hospital... lol.

mind you, i hadn't been OUT of the hospital in seven days.  it felt like a strange new beginning... to.finally.leave.  BUT, supposedly, hospital policy (and, i can't remember if i posted about this before) is to have the mom "carry" out the baby because we carry them in our bellies and we have to "carry" them out... nobody else.  isn't that strange?!  i've never heard of that, but then again, i've never been a mother until now.  yet, i thought that the women always held the baby(ies) because they were so proud... didn't know that it was hospital stipulation.  :)

anyway, since my girls had been discharged the day before, i "technically" didn't have to "carry" them out.  however, i had gone through a battlezone and i earned every gold medal to carry them in my arms and be pushed through in a wheelchair to the entrance... and, along the way... goodness, babies are precious.  when you carry twins, let alone girls, let alone identical TWINS... they are instant celebrities.  the most random people walked up to gab and me, commenting, congratulating, sharing their baby stories... it was such a beautiful moment of which to be proud... these girls are OURS, and "welcome to the world," girls!  this is what life looks like outside of a hospital room.  lol.

my mom had chosen their "going-home" preemie outfits the night before... and, they were still swimming in them!  they wore their hospital hats with "A" and "B" written on them (for my brother and sister to identify them since they just met them... what am i joking!  until weeks later, we couldn't ID them if not for their hospital anklet and bracelets! lol).

the girls looked darling in their outfits, and... while gab went to get the car, i was counting the moments and hoping to God that they wouldn't start wailing at the same time in front of the hospital entrance where i'm waiting in a wheelchair for my husband to pick us up!!!  LOL!!!  and?!  they didn't!  they made me look like such a good mom.  :)

on the way home after picking up our tamales and pupusas, they did start to cry in the car, but calmed down immediately.  they weren't used to the movement.  when we got home, i made sure that i got out and approached our pups inside by myself... i read that.  make sure that you approach the animals by yourself and allow them time to smell you... then, slowly we let the pups near the babies once we brought the babies in... a gradual process.  and, they were fine.  there was no jealousy, just acceptance, which was a relief!

since then, i'll narrate it very quickly:
my wound vac was D/Ced because the home health nurse didn't administer the tape before the black sponge; therefore, i got many blisters and rashes around/under the tape/incision... it was awful.  we ended up going with another nursing company.  that one was miserably awful.  my new girl was from nigeria and such a lovely woman!  they moved me to a wet-to-dry dressing (with an open wound!!!), which means she had to pack my incision every day with gauze, place a bandage around it, and put adhesive around it that i wasn't allergic to.
from that, i obviously got three infections, one which was quite UNcommon.  of course, that's me!  medically, i go all out!!!  they placed me on antibiotics, which then turned into further infections... for my lack of taking a probiotic in place.
women: take a probiotic whenever you take an antibiotic.  otherwise, your body is imbalanced, and all of your good bacteria is also killed.
weeks later, my wound finally closed... my sister, my nurse, and gab all had to change the dressings some time or another... each day.  i have so many medical supplies left that it's insane. :)  yay, i should put together our emergency kit with them! :)
just to let you know... it took seven weeks for my wound to finally close naturally.  towards the end, they used a calcium alginate dressing, which helped close it.
on the other hand, i still have an infection that i'm fighting... oh, happy day!

it's amazing all that i've gone through... medically, emotionally, physically, mentally... and, am still going through.  i remember what one of the nurses from the first company said to me...

at least, you got two girls to show for it.  some people don't have that when a wound vac is placed... and, you got two beautiful girls to show for it.

absolutely.  we do.

day 6

the biggest events of today was that the girls would have their first pediatric appointment and i'd get my wound vac put on. 

earlier in the morning, they were discharged, and as strange as that sounds, they couldn't be alone with me... in the room.  always, another adult (Gab and my mom took turns) had to be with me 24/7.  why, do you  ask?  to avoid a situation like the day before... where i was rushed to surgery, and the babies needed someone to take care of them... and, i couldn't be alone with them in case something like that would happen.  this was hospital procedure for everybody, but it especially made sense in my case.

so, i'd miss their first appointment and there was nothing that i could do about it.  i watched as Gab and my mom dressed the girls in white NB onesies with multi-colored polka dots and NB pants.  at that point, we did some preemie clothes, but those were at home as i didn't know how much they would weigh. 

later, i was on speakerphone with them as they were at the appointment... ironically, on the first day that it had rained since the girls were born... and, then i had to cut it short because my wound vac nurse came in to administer the dressing.  it wasn't as painful as i thought that it'd be.  they gave me, once again, my favorite, morphine before she started the wound vac. 

to understand what a wound vac is, then just watch this. 

when they returned later, i showed them my wound vac and the photos that i took every step along the way to document.  the girls were almost back at their birthweight, and of course, were in the lower percentiles... much lower because they were so small when they were born.  they were perfectly healthy, though, which is all that mattered. :)

now, to just get me discharged?  my blood levels had to be good... between 2 and 3...

day 5

this day was a bit of a blur for me, so forgive me if i don't recall the events perfectly.

i do remember waking up, and Dr. L. visiting me, alongside with Dr. E. from my doctor's office.  i told them about the previous night, and they weren't happy at all.  actually, they mentioned the possibility of going downstairs, removing the staples, and exploring for the root of my bleeding... back in the O.R.  just to remind you, they were especially nervous that i was on anticoagulants (blood thinners).  normally before a surgery, one should refrain from taking any blood thinners to avoid bleeding out.

i didn't understand why we needed to return there... i nixed that idea very quickly as i prefer to avoid the O.R. at all costs as i'm not its #1 fan! :)  when they said this, i couldn't help but look at my babies with a fear that i'd never see them again.  you hear about all sorts of horrifying surgical stories... i didn't want my "exploratory"surgery to also be added to that list.  i remember that i had tears in my eyes when i thought about all for which i had worked so hard (family), and... for it to be gone in an instant. i asked if we could do the "surgery" or should i call it a "procedure," in my room.  they agreed to it.

the plan was for them to return later in the morning/early afternoon to do the procedure.  i was so stoked that they agreed to do "surgery" in my room!  how cool is that?!  just like in the NICU!  i told Gab and my mom to get their cameras ready!  lol!  boy, am i glad that they did!

just like any other surgery, they had to "prep" me for this, too.   they brought in a tray of medical supplies and a dosage of morphine... i wasn't anticipating the morphine.  i hate that stuff... that's an understatement to say it like that.  when i was in the ICU in the summer of '09, they had to give me a lot post-procedure, and i.felt.absolutely.awful.  i was so lethargic, could barely keep my eyes open but almost squinted to do so, couldn't focus on anything, and could barely pay attention.  i remember trying to use my phone and do something as simple as texting, and i'd sit there for a half an hour "attempting" to text, and it'd be just jibberish like "2ilkasdkf!"  lol!  why do people even do drugs?  to feel like THAT?!  sick.  plus, it made me quite queasy and i was frequently throwing up on that med!

anyway, they prepped me and gave me my "morphine."  we waited for the effects.  very soon after they administered it, i felt it seep into my body... my arms, legs... tingling throughout.  i didn't feel like i felt before on morphine.  it didn't feel that strong to me... the anticipation was greater than the actual drug, i think.  i started to talk.  started to talk A LOT.  Dr. E. and Dr. L. come into my room, and Dr. E. asked if my margarita kicked in yet.  lol!  what a character!

Dr. L. was on my left side with Dr. E. on the right.  the morphine didn't do too much... i mean, i still felt them tugging down there... they were going to pull out my staples.

staple 1... that wasn't too bad...

staple 2... please, can i get more morphine?!

staple 3... i'd like more morphine now!!!  Dr. E. immediately announced that we "found the bleeder!"

as they pulled out staple 3, i started hemorrhaging!  blood squirted out at least four feet... onto Dr. L.'s scrubs, all over the blue paper that they use for surgical procedures, and onto the side of the bed/floor.  a little blood?  yeah right. more like GREY'S ANATOMY blood squirting!  something that you'd see on a tv show/in a movie.  i think that all of our mouths dropped, especially Gab and my mom's.

Dr. L. immediately put pressure on the bleeding, and Dr. E. told me, eye-to-eye, that as much as i wanted to avoid the O.R., he was afraid that we now had no choice.  he told Dr. L. to prep me, but didn't say it like that... as he started to immediately get a team together, she started to tell me the benefits of a surgery, and then someone mentioned a transfusion and for me to sign something... that's when i freaked out.

uncontrollably crying, absolutely nervous, death afraid that something dangerous would happen, i kept staring at our little babies that Gab and my mom were holding... it was only my fifth day with them?  Dr. L. was mentioning a blood transfusion in case i lost a lot of blood...

are you kidding me!?  why are you talking about a blood transfusion?  that's only for when people die or are close to dying... a blood transfusion!?  i.do.not.want.to.die. keep me awake during this surgery... do not put me under.  i cannot go if you'll put me under.  i'm so scared...

why are you scared?  tell me all that you're scared of... (Dr. L.'s soothingly calm voice as she holds down pressure on the "bleeder")

my babies!  i don't want to leave them... i just delivered them... it's too soon.  i don't want to leave my family... i don't want to die... you hear awful stories all of the time with a surgery gone wrong...

regardless, through my tears and my-almost-hyperventilation, i had to allow the surgery.  i had a family to which i could look forward.

they rushed me to surgery, where every step of the way, Dr. L. held down the pressure, and i talked with her the entire way... asking should i get pregnant again, would i have to do a c-section or could i do a VBAC... she said that she delivered VBACs the night before... that they're perfectly fine...

when we get into the O.R., Dr. E. is there, as well as... my anesthesiologist from before!  lol.  we remembered each other... i told him that i was nervous again about the medicine... he calmed me down... sort of.  they gave me a dosage of "happy medicine," and i just remember telling them to not use adhesive to which i was allergic... (found out since being in the hospital; was getting a reaction to any adhesive, bandage, or gloves...)

Dr. E. started, and then i remember waking up... like i had just dozed off, but i didn't know that.  i asked where everybody was and when we were going to start the surgery... apparently, i was told, that we had just finished it and it took about 15 minutes.

they wheeled me back upstairs only to find Gab and my mom shocked that it was so soon... and i was talking the whole way as we entered my room.  my mom said that i must have felt better.  lol.

soooooo, what did he do?  

he left the wound open.

WHAT!!!  why?!?!?

they're going to come back in and pack the wound.  

they returned not too long later, and this time, i told Gab and my mom to GET THEIR CAMERAS READY... just as Dr. E. pulled out the packing from inside the wound, my mom snapped a shot at the foot of my bed... Dr. E., Dr. L., Gab, and i look at my mom in mid-moment... like she was paparazzi.  it was hilarious.  i asked my mom what my wound looked like... a pomegranate, she told me.  

in the O.R., they removed all of the staples, saw that the bleeding was only below my incision in a hematoma, and decided to burn some of the blood vessels (the black part of the pomegranate) to avoid any further bleeding... they ended up doing a wet-to-dry dressing.  the eventual plan would be to do a wound vac.

when they returned later, they said that the "pomegranate" looked great, and that the plan was to start a wound vac (click on the pink lettering, and it'll take you to a video on youtube) the following day... 

still, no plans on being discharged.  yet, my babies were going to be discharged the following day, a thursday, pending that they pass their car seat test and that they still continued to eat well, and gain weight.  our babies passed the car seat test (apparently, for a preemie baby <37 weeks, he/she needs to be placed in the car seat and their oxygen level is tested as if this was a real trip)!  

on a side note, it was a bit freaky to know that my "wound" was still open...

day 4

when i woke up, i knew that i wouldn't be going home that day, which then means that my c-section hospital stay would be longer than the average... oh great, once again... i feel like i am not the average hospital/medical patient since i always have so many abnormal things going on...

early in the morning, just like every other morning, the doctors came to check on me.  one of the surgeons (a female) who performed my surgery, but also a doctor from my doctor's office (a high-risk speciality office)... i never knew who was representing the practice.  regardless, i updated Dr. L. on the previous night, and showed her where my skin had hardened the night before.  what i forgot to write about yesterday was that after i started bleeding out, the skin softened around my incision instead of the rock hard pressure surrounding my incision.  with a permanent marker, Dr. L. drew around my incision where my skin had hardened.  surprisingly, by now, it wasn't soft anymore, but the areas had become harder... much more than originally.  she also drew around that, and i forgot what it was called.  oh wait, it's called induration... the depth of the problem.

at this point, my blood levels weren't between 2 and 3 (of course not!  that'd be too easy), and i knew that two things were still keeping me there- 1- blood level and 2-incision problem.  that night... we had a reoccurrence of events.  late at night, getting ready for bed, and as i'm standing next to the sink, suddenly i felt a warm liquid... in my black pants.  oh yes, we have greatness once again!

let's go for ROUND TWO... yet again.  it wasn't fun enough the first time that i'm begging for a round two!  oh boy, it was so frustrating... i knew that i'd have quite a stay ahead of me... so, once i was all cleaned up, we finally headed to bed after i realized that i was running out of clothes due to my bleeding blood. :(

and, for tomorrow?  just wait.  it gets even better! :)  or, should that be a sad face?  :(

day 3

i was excited for day 3.  until now, each day, they had been checking my anticoagulant levels... weaning me off of lovenox and onto coumadin.  usually, on days 3 or 4, a woman who had a c-section gets to go home.  so, as long as my levels were between 2 and 3 (thin enough for nothing to happen, but for regular people, it's usually between 1 and 2), then we'd get to go home!!!

meanwhile, the babies' pediatrician continued to visit them, and it's strange... "suddenly" the nurses thought that our babies had jaundice?!  but the NICU didn't think so?!  interesting.  turns out, no jaundice... thank God.

regardless, i could tell that my milk was going to come in... pins, needles, and marbles is what you feel like when engorged!  no fun! :(  that day, we also had visitors... an old family friend and a co-worker of mine.  it was great to see everyone!  but, later that night... something crazy happened.

i was going to take another shower, and the nurse was worried about the area around my incision... was starting to get very hard and big underneath... she said that she was worried that they might be hematomas.  in my head, i was thinking what is that?!  i guess a big blood blister could be a way to describe them.  anyway, she wanted me to take a shower, which i did.  i was careful with everything, and then...

after i lathered lotion all over my body, i felt something dripping all over my body, and i look down and BLACK BLOOD is streaming down from around my mid-section, which i thought was from elsewhere!  then i realized that it was seeping from my incision area!!!  immediately, i pulled that emergency cord in the bathroom and screamed for help (my mom was in the room, and she ran to get a nurse).  the nurse was so calm and helped me out... i was so freaked... black blood?  what is going wrong now?  why can't anything ever be simple with my medical situations? 

at this point, i knew that i wouldn't be going home anytime soon if 1- they didn't regulate my blood levels OR 2- they didn't get this bleeding under control...

day 2

it was Sunday.  when my mom got there, we went to see the girls... and, what a sight that was!

imagine you're in a wheelchair, and you round the corner to the hallway to which your babies' rooms connect, and you see YELLOW CAUTION TAPE, blocking off the other side of the hallway with many nurses, doctors wearing surgical scrubs, AND masks... IN FRONT OF YOUR BABY'S ROOM?!?! 

(note: at the same time, the "financial services department" called me on the hallway phone, and wanted me to make payments right then and there!  i was flabbergasted, quite upset, and pretty much hung up after telling them to contact my insurance!)

i freaked out in my mind, asking Gab to go check on our baby to see what was wrong.  i didn't know if our baby was okay or not.  i didn't know if they were in her room or not because they blocked off her room.  he just about sprinted there!  my mom and i waited on our side, waiting... they told Gab that he couldn't pass... turns out, they were doing surgery in somebody's room... on the baby NEXT DOOR!  apparently, it's easier to do the surgery there than anywhere else!  the major bummer part was that we couldn't go see our daughter over there, and surgery was going to take awhile.  we were disappointed because that's a possibility of NOT having your babies with you, but also separated in the NICU!

meanwhile, i was so upset with financial services calling... the audacity!  on a Sunday?!  especially when i was emotional since we couldn't see our other baby?!  so, i'm not sure who suggested this, but our sweet nurse heard us talking about our disappointment, and suddenly left... returning with our other baby!!!  we were so overwhelmed with joy because this was the first time that we were all together since birth!!!  that was the first time that we were able to see, side-by-side, how identical these girls really were! 

then, in the midst of all our happiness, the doctors come in talking about DCing (discharging) our babies from the NICU, saying that they were doing better, but nutritionally speaking, weren't eating as much as they should!  regardless, they said that they'd start the paperwork.

it happened much sooner than we thought... i mean, my mom and i had lunch, went back to my room, and the nurse comes in to tell me that i need to start packing up because they're moving me to the maternity ward... the pod that i was in was for women post-op, and no room for babies.

so, within a couple of hours, we were in a new larger room, and just as i was about to get some shut-eye, everybody came in with the NICU nurses pushing our babies in the bassinets... and, it was so funny... the nurses from both hospitals had to read off the hospital bracelets to make sure that the wrong babies weren't being released to us... sort of in a top-secret military operation!

and, then... finally!  we were together for the first time as a little family!  man, that first night... we were awoken just about EVERY hour and a half!  you should have seen Gab!  i'm sure that we looked quite awful the following day with the little sleep that we did get!

by then, i was trying to BF, but i was in-between getting colostrum and getting my milk, so we just used formula.  we were hoping that my milk would come in soon!

day 1

apparently, the day after a surgery is when the countdown to go home starts a.k.a. "day 1."  i don't know why they don't start it immediately following the actual surgery.  my nurse woke me up early in the morning, and wanted to take the catheter out and start me on solids.  i was pumped to be able to eat, however, that hospital food was quite a joke.  i'm supposed to be breastfeeding twins, and they send enough food to last me for a snack?!  i was shocked.  later, in my visit, i did convince them to give me a menu (like any decent hospital should have for specific dietary options and like the previous hospital, in which i stayed in '09, had one) and ordered so much more food for each meal!  since i was back on coumadin (my anticoagulant), i had to be careful about what i ate since i couldn't eat too much vitamin k... (go here for more information).

our plan for the day was to get ready and, obviously, visit our babies. :)  my mom was at the house, cleaning, organizing, and would come later.  i'll be honest... it was strange to wake up the following morning (Saturday).  it felt surreal that we were parents and that the babies were, in fact, here... after they were with me for so long.  a good night of rest did us some good because we had been exhausted and felt re energized!  quickly, we got ready, and went down to see them.  i was so thankful that i wasn't connected to any other machines!

the babies were in separate rooms, which i think that i've already mentioned.  even though they are twins, they had to be separated and sometimes had different nurses.  we couldn't take one out of her room to bring to the other room and be with her sister, so we had to keep going back and forth... i felt kinda bad about that... which room do we attend first?  how long do we stay since we have another baby next door?  their rooms were next door but separated by a hallway.

one nurse happened to be taking care of both babies, which was very helpful... yet, we were told that the babies weren't eating as much as they should... they had enough void/stool (wet/poopy) diapers, but, they weren't in taking enough food.  to be discharged from the NICU, a baby has to demonstrate enough diapers, eating, no jaundice, stable vitals and great response.  the great part was that they no longer had trouble breathing or bruising, yet until they met those other requirements, they'd still be patients.  i was nervous about them being in the NICU because i didn't know how long they'd be there, however, we knew they were in the best hands.

our babies were so tiny, full of life, and just oh-so-adorable!  they had the biggest skinniest feet and the biggest hands, but the skinniest extra long bodies!  it was amazing how identical they were!  we had never seen babies that small, let alone hold them!  i think that i can speak for the both of us when i say that we were completely in awe.  these are ours?!  when the doctors would come in, they'd want to address "Mom," and i kept turning to my mom!  i wasn't used to hearing that!  lol!

how much time is enough time to spend with your newborn preemies when they're elsewhere?  i don't know how much time is enough, but it didn't feel like enough... spending the day there and seeing their hearing tests conducted (they passed), going back up to our room to rest, visitors coming (my mom's cousin, her husband, and our friends) to see the babies.... the babies had to stay there, and it felt strange to leave them... almost like they were being abandoned, but not.  i don't know how twisted that sounds, but it just felt wrong to leave them... but, we had no choice.

also, we were told that they had a chance of going home if they started eating better... we were stoked!  however, it all depended on how they made it through the night... our nurse was telling us to get our rest and that they'd keep them in the NICU.. :)  sweet of her now that we know how sleepless nights are!!!

p.s. EVERYBODY kept asking us what their names were, and we hadn't officially decided.  my mom was with us, and we didn't have much time to discuss it because we were so overwhelmed with the babies' stay in the NICU and my recovery... we had some names we liked that we had tossed around for awhile, but nothing official.  no matter what names we liked, we always came back to liking the original ones... so, since we hadn't officially named them yet (i was still overwhelmed with them being there and we were exhausted from everything), they were just A and B.  but, not the A and B that were labeled in me... towards the end, the letters switched because the breech baby was presenting first, so they delivered her first.  it was confusing for the nurses and everybody else to talk about their version of A and B, and i always had to stop and picture the babies in me to know what they were discussing....

the delivery...

so, as you all know... our identical twin girls, Willow Kate and Coral Bliss were delivered, via c-section on 12/10/10!  they were born prematurely at 36 weeks, which is common for identical twins to alleviate any Twin to Twin Transfusion problem (one twin getting more fluids than the other or possible brain damage).

as for the actual surgery, they took me into the freezing, lifeless-colored operating room.  there were so many doctors and nurses and once the babies were born, that # doubled!  i mean, at least four doctors and seven nurses at first!  anyway, i had a spinal (i forgot why, but it had something to do with my blood clot history).  before the surgery, i was EXTREMELY nervous about the anesthesia and not waking up.  i was so scared that something bad would happen to me, to my babies... i didn't want to die.  you hear about stories like that all of the time for "routine procedures/surgeries."  the anesthesiologist did his best to reassure me, but before a surgery, i always feel like this.  anyway, it didn't hurt as badly as i thought it would... and, once that had really seeped into my system and done the trick, they brought my husband in.  he asked the anesthesiologist if he could watch... the doctor looked at him with that are you serious?  most guys can't handle it because they get faint, and Gab reiterated that he was, in fact, serious.

so, yes, he watched them cut me open... i'd ask him does it look gross?  weird?  and, he later told me that he didn't really want to answer those questions because of the actual truth.  LOL!  it's funny... they put the open blue pad over my belly for where they were to cut... i felt like i was watching Grey's Anatomy.  :)  they had put the "curtain" over so i couldn't see, but they didn't know that the glass windows to the left which were about 15ft away reflected like a mirror the current happenings.  i felt like i was cheating, but i could see them cutting, a bit of red, and that's it.  and once they did start cutting, i didn't feel anything... what a strange feeling.

it only took about five-ten minutes before they actually got close to the babies... and, the rush of emotions, feelings when they announced that they were close was indescribable... and, when they announced that they were delivering the first one, i was at a loss for words.  it was peaceful, silent, and then a baby wailing as she's pulled from me with a great burden removed from my body... your body can be under anesthesia and numbed, yet you still feel that removal. was almost like an oxymoron.  i cried for my daughter had a healthy cry and i was emotional.

immediately, they whisked her away... i didn't even get to see her.  Gab did, and then, what felt like seconds later, they delivered the second baby, and again, we hear this deep wailing, and i cried again for my second child.  two babies, two blessings in less than one minute!  what a moment!  so, they whisked her away... and, as i was on the table, i turned to look through those glass windows into the room of where they were monitoring the babies in disbelief that those were our children... those were my babies that i had carried for so long, had taken care of, had protected, had fed, had comforted.... i then felt like okay, they're safe.  do whatever you need to do to me because they're safe and that's what matters.

then, they were brought to me for what-felt-like just a moment... first one, then the second, then both of them together... Gab got some not-so-great photos of this moment because we were so emotional.  anyway, i was still being operated on, so i couldn't hold them, and that's when they told me that they had to take them to the NICU because one was having trouble breathing (amniotic fluid in her lungs, which is normal for a baby, but usually through a vaginal delivery, the uterus contracts and the fluid is pumped out) and the other had bruising in spots a vertex (head down) baby shouldn't.  your.worst.nightmare.after.you.deliver.  what a mix of emotions!  it all happened so fast... Gab went with the nurses as they took our babies... the anesthesiologist was comforting and reassured/updated me throughout the entire surgery, especially when i kept asking at pivotal points what was going on... he continued to do that after the babies were taken out of the room, too.

after the OR, they take you to a recovery room.  by this point, i was very out of it.  the anesthesia makes you VERY ITCHY and TIRED.  the spinal prevented me from having feeling in my legs for another six hours or so.  it was such a strange feeling.  still, i didn't care about my body as i was heartbroken because i didn't know what was going on with my babies, my husband... and where was my mom?!  i was the only one in the recovery room and i remember that they got a phone call, and the nurse told me that my mom was on her way... finally, a face i'd recognize!!!  when my mom got there, i started balling and telling her that the babies were in the NICU, Gab was with them, and for her to find out what was going on.  she asked how i was feeling, and i said tired, itchy, and i don't feel the bottom half of my body... i sent her out of the room to find out and update me!  i was quite upset!

after an hour or so, i was taken to my room to recover, and no matter how much i wanted to rest, i couldn't.  i was so tired, but couldn't sleep.  i was too worried about my babies.  later Gab and my mom met me... telling me that the babies were doing better.  here's what they told me:

- both babies scored an 8 at first and five minutes later scored a 9.  

- Gab gave permission for them to have formula (i wasn't happy about it, but obviously, couldn't do anything about that.  i exclusively wanted to breastfeed.).

- they were in the Phoenix Children's Hospital (which, i didn't understand because we were in a separate hospital, but apparently PCH originally started in that NICU.).

- the baby (who had extra fluid around her heart and my doctors were monitoring the amount while she was in the womb) had to undergo tests, especially an echo, but everything came back fine...

- the babies had separate rooms and were so small... 

- the doctor told them that nobody told the babies that they'd be coming out of the womb today... they weren't ready.

i remember my mom kept telling me how beautiful they were and how amazed she was at how they looked so precious and gorgeous (something like that)... and, i barely could remember what they looked like since i saw them for brief moments... i kept asking her if she was being nice and truthful... LOL!

once i finally gained enough feeling in my legs, i was told to start moving around... so, of course, as i took a lap around the nurse's station, i stopped for a brief moment because a bed was in front of my doorway, and... i felt queasy.  yup.  i did.  i kept thinking, oh man, now i won't get real food for longer!  LOL!  i wasn't really hungry or tired, though even though people kept telling me to nap... i couldn't.  i was too anxious to see the babies.  finally, around 7p.m., we went down to see the babies... i didn't know how to feel, but i was VERY tired, and i have photos to prove!!!  also, i was SO itchy!  i felt like tearing my face off!

to go to the other hospital, we had to go down a hallway, in which we entered PCH.  so weird.  lol.  we went to the first room (Coral Bliss'), and i remember feeling distant, unsure of what to do.  yes, she's my child, but i didn't feel close to her.  is that easy to explain?  no.  i felt like when she was taken from me, along with her sister, that immediate closeness/bonding was stripped from all of us.  i understand that it was for everybody's safety, but still... after all of our time together, i felt like i had to reconnect with them.  then, we went to Willow Kate's room, and i was just so in awe that these two babies fit into my body!!!  HOW?!  i mean 10lbs. of baby?!?!  they must have been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon position!  LOL!

friends of ours came that evening to see them... and i just remember being very itchy and tired. at the end of the night, it was strange to leave my babies, after i had been with them for oh-so-long, go upstairs, and sleep in another room... however, we had no choice... by then, though, they were doing remarkably better, which was great news....

later, i will update the rest of our stay... :)
hats off to you if you read it this far! :) :) :)

our babies are here!

(allright, i know that apologies are in order, but i'll do that later. :)  yes, our lives have been a complete whirlwind since we even found out that we were pregnant, but... it got even crazier as time passed.)

our lovely identical twin girls, Willow Kate and Coral Bliss, were born on December 10, 2010 (12/10/10) shortly after 10:10a.m.!  Willow weighed 4lbs., 15oz. and was 18" long while Coral weighed 4lbs., 14oz and was 19" long!!!

they are completely identical with no identifying marks... how crazy is that?!

i will update later when i have more time on my hands spent not sleeping. :)

and, yes, photos will follow, however, i'm still working on those and with my minimal amount of sleep, it's taking awhile....

until then, may God Bless your family in ways not yet revealed this day forward!