retreat, rebuild

I'm so sad. Had a supply going on for days, and I gave W a 9oz BM bottle, and I went to start the laundry... Only returning to both of my girls in hysterics, and 2oz left in the bottle... Yup. 7oz spilled. Don't know how because when I gave it to her, the lid was tight (just like always). Changed them (C was asleep when W did it), put them in the other crib. 
Just so sad. I work so hard to pump, and I've done it for over 10 months, and this. Yes, it's one time and an accident learned, but that's almost an entire session. :(. Plus, I'm trying to wean them and myself, and this doesn't help my situation. Now, I'm set back, having to retreat back to every three hours to rebuild. Meanwhile, it'll be formula if needed, which I try to steer away from whenever possible. 
I feel worse when it happens to me because I should know better...
Am I the only one who feels like this?!

not again!!!

(note: this took place/was written two weeks ago on 9/15/11)


OMG.


the girls had finished Baby Signing Time (absolutely LOVE it; definitely, keeps my girls engaged!), and i look down to see Willow... covered in RED. 

she spilled out my red sorbet smoothie (complimentary of blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, some juice concentrate, a bit of apple juice, and ice) all on the ground (didn't even hear it spill, and it's right by me, lol), and did i tell you i was in the middle of PUMPING?  yup.    so, in between pausing my pumping time (and, i was wearing that bra), grab some wet washcloths to wash her down (she still smells so fruity) and clean up the mess.  she kept attempting to roll back into the mess and make it worse... of course, she succeeded in between my running to get more washcloths.  YAY!  lol. 


so, i clean it up, and obviously, decided to change her... let's do the diapers, too, shall we?  let's just change the whole outfits!  got new outfits (so cute by the way... the ones that they wore getting their ears pierced), and i was stoked that they still fit into them since they're 6mo. and the girls are "technically" in 12mo. clothes.  :)  


i change Willow's (wet) diaper/clothes and meanwhile Bliss is making an escape for the exit (i had opened the door because it was INCREDIBLY nice outside (for AZ in sept.).

 
i gave W the bottle while i was changing her, and she was content.


Bliss' turn.  i change her (poopy, with just one chunk of solid poop) diaper, and use two cloth wipes (they work wonders compare to the four i'd probably use with disposables).  meanwhile, W kept trying to grab for her dirty diaper (even though that was a good few feet away and she was drinking her bottle).  i kick that away... of course.  her bottle was just about empty, so i grabbed the diapers, went to the kitchen to grab a BM bottle that i had just heated up in the bottle warmer (i've been able to pump a lot lately storing at night- more about that later).


i return, and lightly (not as bad as last time, but in a calmer tone) shriek...


no, Willow!

she had that chunk IN HER RIGHT HAND, playing with it like play-doh!  i tried to grab it, but it split into two chunks, so i was trying to pick up the chunks as fast as possible, put them with the diapers in my hand, see that Bliss has ONE of the wipes in her hand, so i grab that, too (she HATED that, of course, shocker, right?) and take W into the bathroom, put the diapers on the toilet, wash her hands (so sudsy and thoroughly, lemme tell you), and i return for sissy to do the same thing again.

they were pretty upset with me.  i wonder why.  and, now homegirls are napping away... :)

and, how is YOUR day going so far? ;)


the story of my twin girls!

watch what you say around a new mom!

note:  i wrote this when i was six weeks postpartum... that was 25 weeks ago... 6 months ago!  FYI...

so, this shouldn't be my first post since blogging/updating everyone on our babies' birth.  but, i had to write this.

be careful what you say.  

here are two examples as to why you should be careful when speaking to a woman...

after my postpartum six-week checkup at the doctor's, i went to sprouts to pick up prenatals, fish oil, and fenugreek (increase milk production).  i picked up a few other things, and went to check out.  behind me in line was this family with two boys and i noticed that as i was paying, the dad looked at me, whispered to his wife... then, i heard the dreaded from his wife:

how far along are you?
i just delivered twin girls. (didn't even make eye contact; looked at the cashier as he was ready to give me my receipt)
omi... omigosh... how long ago was that? 
they're six weeks old.
wow, you look GREAT.  i hope that doesn't offend you.  (i took my receipt and walked away- the cashier was mortified as the couple was.)

classic reason as to why you need to be CAREFUL when approaching a woman and choosing your words carefully. :)  for heaven sakes, i think i look pretty good for just delivering!!!  yes, i have some weight left around my mid-section that would reveal itself in a fitted shirt, but c'mon... i lost all but five pounds within two weeks, including one week being at home... breastfeeding as much as possible!  i breastfeed all of the time... TWO babies!  it really helps you lose weight.

but, seriously?!  did those people not have a brain?  you NEVER say that to a woman UNLESS you're 100% sure.

second classic example:

i was returning to work and i was 17 weeks along (give or take), and during some transitional time, someone says to me,

are you expecting?
uh, yes, i am...
oh, i wasn't sure if that was a tumor (pointing to my belly).


I WAS SHOCKED.  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?

so, i ask: what outrageous things have people said to you?

free pump eligibility

- you may be eligible for a FREE double-electric hospital-grade breast pump via your insurance (they'd prefer not to scream this from the rooftops, though!).  i have an HMO, and it was still covered.  for me, i found out about it through cigna's healthy babies' program.  remember how i wrote that the nurse would call me monthly to see how i was and gave me super good advice?  well, she is the one who told me about it... IF my babies were to be admitted to the NICU and being preemies, then i'd be eligible.  since mine fit both criteria, then i was eligible. :)  yes!!!
- find out BEFORE you deliver if you're eligible.
- when you're in the hospital and should you be eligible, then ask your doctor to write a prescription for exactly this: "double-electric hospital-grade breast pump" because your "child/ren were admitted to the NICU and they're considered premature" (less than 37 weeks).  
- STAY ON IT!  one month into it, they sent me the standard double-electric breast pump (twice over) that you can get online for $70... definitely not the hospital-grade one i used in the hospital.  keep calling them, pestering them if they messed up, which they did in my case (shocker, right?!).  
- make sure they know that it's a PURCHASE, not a rental... to avoid any confusion and issues.  
- they sent me brand new attachments/bottles to use... obviously, for sanitary purposes.  the pump is serviced after any usage.  they first did mine as a "rental" (their mistake), and i'll keep this one for my pump! 
- i got a $1,600 pump for free!!!  yes, it's bigger than my medela pump instyle, but like i said before, it's AWESOME, so quiet, and works very efficiently!

is nursing challenging for you?

when i was researching how to increase my supply, i also came across these two great links:

Back to Breast
Family Bed

if you've previously been unable to BF, then those two sites might help you out...

BFing/pumping tips

as i mentioned before, i wasn't exclusively able to BF twins.  so, i researched ways to increase my milk supply.  i couldn't be the only one with this problem, right? 


right. 


it's a bigger problem than most people think.  and, this is often where people give up.  when i read things, i came across some surprising facts... adoptive mothers could BF?!  if that was possible, then surely there was a way to increase my supply!  :)


the starred items are really what helped me get my milk to increase... now, remember, before i was doing 4oz./feeding... mostly on my R boob (one boob usually gives off more milk than the other)... 


increase BFing supply tips:
1. try fenugreek supplements ($7-8), mother's milk tea* ($2 on sale at sprout's), or more milk plus by motherlove($17.95), which are all featured below- many women swore fenugreek would work, but it did NOTHING for me.  for others, it did wonders.  the tea is what did it for me.  i drank it 3-5x/day like it suggests until the box ran out... M-F.  by the following M (i hadn't gone to the store that weekend), i noticed my letdown was coming down INCREDIBLY faster.  then, i started to produce more... the MMP did okay, but not worth the price tag. 

however, i would start from L to R in the picture... 


2. pump AFTER BFing*- something they don't teach you in the hospital.  you need to do it to relieve yourself of all the milk to build up an adequate supply to replenish.  cannot replenish what's still there. :) pump until you feel like your milk has drained... it might take 5-15 minutes, give or take.  you'll feel when you need to stop. 


3. pump every three hours*- i don't remember them telling me this in the hospital.  but, pump if they're sleeping.  pump EVEN at night.  pump every three hours whether they need milk or not.  you will, unbelievably increase your supply in days if you keep this up... just this.  again, pump for as long as you feel you need... at first, i watched the clock, and then i just stopped doing that.  yet, it takes me now around 10-15 minutes, but there are times that it'll take less or longer, just depending.... they say that the general rule of thumb is to keep pumping for 3-5 minutes after your last letdown... but, that can lead you into your next letdown.  try to prevent a huge wait time between pumping... such as 5-6 hours.  too drastic of a time frame where you could get two pumpings/feedings.  sometimes at night, i'm too tired to wake up and i press "snooze" too many times, and next time i wake, i realize that it's been about this time frame since i've last fed/pumped.  that's okay once in awhile.  i haven't seen it really affect my milk production.  i just make sure i pump/feed three hours afterward.  yet, if you continue to wait such a long period, then it definitely will not provide the right amount of milk that you need for your babies.  plus, you'll feel unbelievably engorged, which is pain-ful! :) 


4. when BFing, keep the twins on the same boob*- for the initial milk, keep both on the same boob... i forgot what type of milk it's called, but from what i recall (forgive me if i'm wrong), it's the best type of milk.  the foremilk, i think.  i'm probably wrong.  lol. :)  


5. when BFing, switch babies twice*- this is hard, especially when the babies are younger.  so, i'd say wait until they're at least six weeks since their heads are so fragile.  yet, switch the babies when they "seem" full/bored/start to communicate (where mine are at, lol).   


6. feed upon demand*- my girls are almost four months, and i still feed them upon demand, yet there are times that i have to relieve my milk and i go ahead and pump if they're sleeping/already full.  when they're much younger, you definitely feed upon demand... whenever they need that milk, you whip it out.  lol 


7.  drink plenty of water, eat well and sleep well*- isn't that hilarious, especially the last one?!  anyway, remember the expensive lactation consultant about whom i wrote?  i asked her point blank if this really made a difference, and she said no.  yet, you still need to make sure YOU are hydrated, well nourished and well rested because I BELIEVE that it affects your milk production.  case in point: i've been on different antibiotics so far since my girls have been born, and that combined with stress prevented my body from taking care of myself first, which then affected my water intake, nourishment, and rest.  that affects your BFing.  it's this whole circular situation, unfortunately.  lol.  even i felt sick a few days ago, and throughout the day, my milk production was "off" because my body was taking care of MYSELF first before working overtime to produce milk.  your body fights for you FIRST.  everything comes afterward. 


8. nursing vacation- i've done something similar to this, but not necessarily this.  a nursing vacation is when the baby is in bed with you, exclusively BFing upon demand.  sometimes, i'll have one of my babies with us and nurse in bed... to avoid having to "pump" and i'll take my other baby girl and do the other side when she wakes.  generally, a NV is ideal if you have a singleton or a baby who constantly needs to be fed.  


9. pump after a shower or use a warm compressor to stimulate*- you'll have great results after a shower, especially if you're due to feed or pump.

remember how i said that my amount was 3-4oz./feeding?  well, NOW, it's anywhere from 4-12oz./feeding (generally 6-8oz.), AND my girls are eating MORE and they've grown older and BIGGER (at three months, more than doubled their birthweight by a bit).  i'd say that we're now at 90/10 (BFing/formula), and there have been several days that we are 100% BFing/pumping!  on those days, i'm ECSTATIC because i've obtained, what i thought once was, an untouchable goal... BFing/pumping exclusively with twins! 


NOTE: most importantly, stick with it.  results make take awhile... i gave the fenugreek one week.  then, i moved onto the tea, and gave that one week.  finally, with the MMP, i gave that less than a week.  keep with it; one day will not suffice.   also, MY results may not be the same as YOUR results, so find what works best for you.  also, i didn't start this until they were about five, six weeks old, so don't go depriving yourself of any sleep by following these guidelines exactly.  that will get you nowhere.  you need to make sure that you REST so you're well-rested for your KIDS. :)  please understand that it's NOT my intention to offend anyone in this post... i'm only writing about what worked for me/tips i researched/learned.... 


yet, honestly, the two things that REALLY worked for me were:

1. mother's milk tea

2. pumping every three hours (after BFing or just pumping), whether the girls were sleeping or not... even through the night.  cannot forget that part!

breastfeeding- home and on...

remember how i shared how my complications worsened once i got home?  well, in the midst of all that, i still BF as much as i could.  mostly, football style.  

never did the thought enter my mind to stop.  i couldn't.  i had two little girls who were fighting for their lives, and i needed to do all that i could to protect them.  i had already  had many pregnancy complications, as well as postpartum complications, and  they needed that perfectly good milk that formula could never give them... the nutrients that only breast milk gives. 

when babies stay in the NICU, they have to pass a good amount of tests in order to be discharged... one, being good eating.  my girls were great in every other area... except that.  so, i needed to do it for them.  never did my mind waver in that "this is too hard" or "my body can't take this anymore" or "i'll never have enough milk for them" or "i give up... i only want to do formula."

i BF/pumped as much as i could.  not exclusively.  BF/pumped as much as i could.  i didn't know the tips that i know now.  i remember that i'd have to wake up early in the morning, take a shower, get ready for my nurse to come and pack my wound (remember when i wrote about that?), and make sure that i fed/pumped for the girls before.  i had help then... for the first few weeks with my family in town, and my sister stayed until they were almost three weeks.  
then, i was on my own.  i was terrified.  

how in the world am i going to do this on my own? how am i going to feed them bottles simultaneously?

i cried when my sister left.  

i mean, when you BF twins, maybe it's just me, but... you need someone else to help you and get started... they're already so fragile, and you need to be careful how you position them.  it's really hard to not "bobble" that small doll-size head that's ever so precious.  also, when you BF twins, it takes up a lot of your time.  a lot of your day.  you need to be prepared for that.  YOUR MAIN PRIORITY is to feed your children.  they need nutrition.  nobody else can substitute for that.

so, when my sister left, i was overwhelmed... i mean, every morning she was here, she'd come into my room and take a baby (lay with her, change her, or feed her) while i took care of the other.  she brought me breakfast because, at the beginning, i was often barricaded in my room until noon every day when my husband was at work.  i should go more into that later. :) and, what would i spend my time doing?  BFing or pumping!  obviously, not uploading photos on FB as i fell behind on that and have only recently been able to catch up... :)

i was nervous how i was going to do it on my own.  so, i cried.  i mean, at this point, i was only able to do 50/50% (breastmilk 3-4 oz. per pumping feeding and formula). every time the girls were hungry and i was "out of milk," meaning i had just fed them (not pumped, mind you, will explain later), i'd watch depressingly as my family members would go make up a bottle or heat one up.  it made me that much more driven to BF/pump exclusively.  every bottle i saw then make made me want it so much more.  i knew that it was better for them... but, how?!  i hated that they were getting formula, but what could i do about it?  they needed what i was unable to give at that time.  there had to be a way, though, right? 

i wanted to do 100% BM.  i remember going to the second pediatric appointment (my first with them because remember i was in the hospital?), and the pediatrican (we've since changed for obvious reasons) callously answered me, "i've never seen a mom go past three months BFing twins."  

how insensitive.  you are a jerk.  way to blow the wind out of my sails!

but, i kept reading about twins' moms having "enough" milk for both... or reading that you can truly make enough milk to feed your children.  i wanted that, and didn't know how.  i kept trying to make my milk meanwhile... until i started asking people around when the babies were six weeks...

i learned of another lactation consultant to visit (didn't i see all of you in the hospital?), but didn't want to pay $90 for an office visit (can you imagine ME taking two babies in THEIR carseats to HER HOME office for a "consultation" as she watches me BF twins in a chair?!  AWKWARD!!!) or $160 for a home visit?!  jeez.  rob you! 

so, i started to do my own research…

breastfeeding- hospital stay

my every and only intention was to breastfeed my girls, mostly because it was best for them (and, me!) and the milk is perfectly designed for that baby’s age (God really thought of everything!)!  also, i wanted to breastfeed since they’d be preemies, and it would only benefit them more… meaning, they already held a disadvantage to other full-term babies by being delivered sooner… less time to develop.  

 

immediately, following my babies' birth, i was unable to BF them.  they were taken straightaway to the NICU, given formula with granted permission by my husband, and i was recovering in the recovery room and later in my room.  following a spinal, you really lose ALL feeling in your legs for several hours... such a strange feeling.  i think that i mentioned before how nervous i was that i was going to lose feeling permanently... and, i was SO thankful when it returned. :)

anyway, when i got to my room, i found out that they were being given formula! NOT.PART.OF.MY.BIRTH.PLAN!  those birth plans often get thrown out the window when you have serious situations take place, such as babies in the NICU!  i quickly asked for a pump, and to start pumping (had nowhere to go until i regained feeling in my legs and felt better to go see our girls).  they gave me the attachments and the hospital grade double electric breast pump, medela symphony.

first of all, this machine was AWE-SOME (i'll get into this later)!  very quiet and quite efficient!  i pumped, and it was... WEIRD.

my girls are going to be doing this?  

how does it feel? i was asked.

weird.  no other explanation. 

i started pumping... just for stimulation.  the following day is when i got some colostrum, and i was beyond thrilled!  i put it in a little bottle and took it down to the NICU.  i remember feeling a bit embarrassed when i saw how much formula they were being given (up to 20-30cc's), and here i stroll in (or, shall i say pushed in my wheelchair) with my itty bitty bottle of C... maybe 10cc's (ml's, one-third of an oz)  yet, the nurses didn't care!  they were so happy that i even had something!  they took the tiny amount and inserted into the girls' mouths with small syringes.  of course, they followed with formula.  no!  i hated seeing that, and it only gave me more motivation to try and give them milk.  still, mine was still on its way to grace me with its presence. :)

meanwhile, i kept pumping, and finally had a breakthrough two days later.  i started to get quite engorged; it feels AWFUL!  it feels like marbles/little saucers are layered all in/around your boobs... and they start to get rock hard.  it was so painful.  it also happens FAST.  one night, i was telling my husband and mom that they were feeling quite full, and then, BAM!

ding-dong!  i've arrived for your little ones! lol 

i guess we really are going to do this BFing thing!  lol

at this point, the girls were brought up to our room after being discharged from the NICU, so, i started to try and BF once my "milk" came in.  it still felt like i had some colostrum, and maybe some milk....  the first question i was asked was...

after i winced, of course...

how does it feel?  does it feel good? 

WEIRD.  oh yeah, it feels awesome!  (sarcasm)

since they were preemies, they were more immature with their latching, suckling... throughout my entire stay, i saw four lactation consultants.  i had never BF before, so it felt quite strange and i think i may have looked quite silly.  it's like: 

how do you position her? without looking stupid?  lol

and 

gimme some credit... it's my first time.  i only can try one baby for now... sorry about the other one next door in her own NICU room.  i'll try her next. 

the girls wouldn't stay latched or we'd have trouble with the latching, i'd have to get them on/off again, and it was very time-consuming.  yet, they did start to catch on!  the LCs helped, but mostly, it was motherly instinct... you learn how to hold your boob so the baby can latch on (like a sandwich in her mouth), you feel if it's incorrect because it won't drain your boob.  a lot of it is paying attention to the smallest of details/mistakes.

by my second real day of breastfeeding, i tried tandem breastfeeding football-style (top left).  for feeding them simultaneously, you need TONS of pillows.  thankfully, the hospital has many of them to share :)  (at home, i use the Double Blessings' ez-2 Nurse). for breastfeeding, you need help for them to latch on if you're new.  with twins?  you definitely need help especially if you want to feed them tandem.  you get one on, and then have help getting the other on.

it's not as hard as it looks.  i was DETERMINED.  yes, i mean, it's challenging, but honestly?  the most time-consuming part is getting the girls in their positions beside you (on both sides) and the pillows/seating in order.  everything else just falls into place.  i heard a joke or some comment somewhere that we purposely have two boobs to breastfeed twins.  LOL! :)  it's nice to BF both at the same time because you save time and your getting relief in both at once... plus, you get to look down, see your little creations and you're just in awe of whom you delivered.

meanwhile, i was still pumping in-between feeding them... at night, when they'd wake up, which was just about every two hours (sometimes, one hour!), i'd ask my husband to bring me a baby to feed her... we lost so much sleep those nights... lol.  but, i was adamant that i didn't want them to have formula if i could feed them.  i needed to feed as much as possible for MY relief... not just for them.

i didn't pump as much i should have in the hospital, though... towards the end once my milk came in (remember, i was there for seven days postpartum).  take advantage, though! BF/pump/BF/pump/BF/pump!  that's all you feel that you do in the beginning! it's like... FEED, FEED, FEED, FEED... and, sometimes they take FOREVER to latch/eat, etc... stick with it.  it's well worth it.

even though i had many postpartum complications at this rate, i was still determined as ever to BF once we got home… my goal was to BF exclusively…

first car trip!

so, we went on our first road trip this past weekend.  i'm amazing that we even returned in one piece considering everything that happened.  here's the scoop of how it all went down:

- i used the checklists as a guidance for my packing, but ultimately, i had to recreate my own, which i feared would eventually happen. :) 
- it was unbelievable how much to take for a baby, let alone two... and, for our pups.  lol
- i'm the worst packer in the world because it takes me forever and i'm a perfectionist, but 99% of what i packed was for them... major improvement!
- it took five and a half hours driving there (usually four and a half with no stops). 
- they slept ALMOST the whole way.  amazing!!!  they got an A if i were to grade them!
- only coral bliss was quite fussy for a bit when we first got on the freeway, and i pulled over (gab was in the backseat with them because i'd have to pump soon), put the hazards on, and held her for about 15 minutes.  after that, she literally slept so well. ;)
- i pumped in the car with my awesome adapter (and, the entire weekend when the girls were sleeping/had already eaten!).
- we went to my cousin's bridal shower where the girls were the mini celebrities!  lol
- saw family and some friends, including my friend and her identical twin boys who are 17 days younger than mine.
- used CD the entire trip EXCEPT some of my diapers weren't dry, so we brought them and hung them around the car to dry... LOL!!!  also, we were forced to do sposies because we didn't have anymore... the sun/outside hadn't dried them enough from the previous day...
- we had car trouble when we tried to leave in the worst weather around... very rainy, cold, overcast, and the tire wasn't holding the air... oh great, yes, please, let's drive five hours with that!
- we stayed an extra night to get the tire fixed, tried to buy new tires, and they didn't have ours.
- we left, the girls slept most of the way, only waking to eat, and about 100 miles out of phoenix, we had a tire blowout on the FREEWAY.  AWESOME!  the tire literally shredded.
- we have to drive the remaining distance going 50mph with our hazards in the right lane.
- when we were five minutes or so away from our house, the girls started to fuss... can you blame them?  it had taken six and a half hours!!!  they got an A- for effort, but it wasn't truly their fault!
- all in all, would i travel again by car?  yes.  we had a good trip even though one of us was quite cramped in the backseat...

traveling checklist

in the future, i know that we plan on traveling with our little gals.   i love to make checklists as they're in my nature, but, do i really want to spend the time originating the list or adding to another?  i'd prefer the latter... part of the teacher in me... building off someone else's ideas.  here are the checklists/wealth of information that i found from the following sites:

1.  BabyCenter
2. YeahBaby
3. Family Vacation Getaways
4. eHow (this one has so many more links on good information; seriously, bookmark this one!)

i'll have to accommodate for twins, and if i come up with something different, then i'll add/create my own list...

happy traveling!

safefetus.com

so, in the midst of researching what medicine is safe for breastfeeding, i came across this awesome site, Safe Fetus. and, i read about the meds that the doctors wanted to prescribe me for my infections BEFORE i went to pick them up.

it's absolutely amazing for any pregnant or nursing mom who has to take prescribed meds.

oh, another tip: always consult with the pediatrician BEFORE taking the medicine.  i just had an occurrence two weeks ago where my ob/gyn said that it was fine to take that medicine, and my pediatrician immediately nixed that idea!  just like in pregnancy, there are certain "levels" that are fine.  apparently, there are "grades" in pregnancy ("A" being extremely safe, can cause no harm... correct me if i'm wrong...) and "levels" in breastfeeding ("1"- extremely safe, "2"- semi, "3"- no way...).  guess what he wanted to prescribe me!  a "3!"  i ended up getting a "1" med.

look out for your babies because if you don't, then nobody will back you up... that's what i found.  the ob/gyn got mad at me that i consulted with the pedi.  who cares, dude, my babies are preemies... they're MY concern... not yours. 


:)