day 4

when i woke up, i knew that i wouldn't be going home that day, which then means that my c-section hospital stay would be longer than the average... oh great, once again... i feel like i am not the average hospital/medical patient since i always have so many abnormal things going on...

early in the morning, just like every other morning, the doctors came to check on me.  one of the surgeons (a female) who performed my surgery, but also a doctor from my doctor's office (a high-risk speciality office)... i never knew who was representing the practice.  regardless, i updated Dr. L. on the previous night, and showed her where my skin had hardened the night before.  what i forgot to write about yesterday was that after i started bleeding out, the skin softened around my incision instead of the rock hard pressure surrounding my incision.  with a permanent marker, Dr. L. drew around my incision where my skin had hardened.  surprisingly, by now, it wasn't soft anymore, but the areas had become harder... much more than originally.  she also drew around that, and i forgot what it was called.  oh wait, it's called induration... the depth of the problem.

at this point, my blood levels weren't between 2 and 3 (of course not!  that'd be too easy), and i knew that two things were still keeping me there- 1- blood level and 2-incision problem.  that night... we had a reoccurrence of events.  late at night, getting ready for bed, and as i'm standing next to the sink, suddenly i felt a warm liquid... in my black pants.  oh yes, we have greatness once again!

let's go for ROUND TWO... yet again.  it wasn't fun enough the first time that i'm begging for a round two!  oh boy, it was so frustrating... i knew that i'd have quite a stay ahead of me... so, once i was all cleaned up, we finally headed to bed after i realized that i was running out of clothes due to my bleeding blood. :(

and, for tomorrow?  just wait.  it gets even better! :)  or, should that be a sad face?  :(

day 1

apparently, the day after a surgery is when the countdown to go home starts a.k.a. "day 1."  i don't know why they don't start it immediately following the actual surgery.  my nurse woke me up early in the morning, and wanted to take the catheter out and start me on solids.  i was pumped to be able to eat, however, that hospital food was quite a joke.  i'm supposed to be breastfeeding twins, and they send enough food to last me for a snack?!  i was shocked.  later, in my visit, i did convince them to give me a menu (like any decent hospital should have for specific dietary options and like the previous hospital, in which i stayed in '09, had one) and ordered so much more food for each meal!  since i was back on coumadin (my anticoagulant), i had to be careful about what i ate since i couldn't eat too much vitamin k... (go here for more information).

our plan for the day was to get ready and, obviously, visit our babies. :)  my mom was at the house, cleaning, organizing, and would come later.  i'll be honest... it was strange to wake up the following morning (Saturday).  it felt surreal that we were parents and that the babies were, in fact, here... after they were with me for so long.  a good night of rest did us some good because we had been exhausted and felt re energized!  quickly, we got ready, and went down to see them.  i was so thankful that i wasn't connected to any other machines!

the babies were in separate rooms, which i think that i've already mentioned.  even though they are twins, they had to be separated and sometimes had different nurses.  we couldn't take one out of her room to bring to the other room and be with her sister, so we had to keep going back and forth... i felt kinda bad about that... which room do we attend first?  how long do we stay since we have another baby next door?  their rooms were next door but separated by a hallway.

one nurse happened to be taking care of both babies, which was very helpful... yet, we were told that the babies weren't eating as much as they should... they had enough void/stool (wet/poopy) diapers, but, they weren't in taking enough food.  to be discharged from the NICU, a baby has to demonstrate enough diapers, eating, no jaundice, stable vitals and great response.  the great part was that they no longer had trouble breathing or bruising, yet until they met those other requirements, they'd still be patients.  i was nervous about them being in the NICU because i didn't know how long they'd be there, however, we knew they were in the best hands.

our babies were so tiny, full of life, and just oh-so-adorable!  they had the biggest skinniest feet and the biggest hands, but the skinniest extra long bodies!  it was amazing how identical they were!  we had never seen babies that small, let alone hold them!  i think that i can speak for the both of us when i say that we were completely in awe.  these are ours?!  when the doctors would come in, they'd want to address "Mom," and i kept turning to my mom!  i wasn't used to hearing that!  lol!

how much time is enough time to spend with your newborn preemies when they're elsewhere?  i don't know how much time is enough, but it didn't feel like enough... spending the day there and seeing their hearing tests conducted (they passed), going back up to our room to rest, visitors coming (my mom's cousin, her husband, and our friends) to see the babies.... the babies had to stay there, and it felt strange to leave them... almost like they were being abandoned, but not.  i don't know how twisted that sounds, but it just felt wrong to leave them... but, we had no choice.

also, we were told that they had a chance of going home if they started eating better... we were stoked!  however, it all depended on how they made it through the night... our nurse was telling us to get our rest and that they'd keep them in the NICU.. :)  sweet of her now that we know how sleepless nights are!!!

p.s. EVERYBODY kept asking us what their names were, and we hadn't officially decided.  my mom was with us, and we didn't have much time to discuss it because we were so overwhelmed with the babies' stay in the NICU and my recovery... we had some names we liked that we had tossed around for awhile, but nothing official.  no matter what names we liked, we always came back to liking the original ones... so, since we hadn't officially named them yet (i was still overwhelmed with them being there and we were exhausted from everything), they were just A and B.  but, not the A and B that were labeled in me... towards the end, the letters switched because the breech baby was presenting first, so they delivered her first.  it was confusing for the nurses and everybody else to talk about their version of A and B, and i always had to stop and picture the babies in me to know what they were discussing....

the delivery...

so, as you all know... our identical twin girls, Willow Kate and Coral Bliss were delivered, via c-section on 12/10/10!  they were born prematurely at 36 weeks, which is common for identical twins to alleviate any Twin to Twin Transfusion problem (one twin getting more fluids than the other or possible brain damage).

as for the actual surgery, they took me into the freezing, lifeless-colored operating room.  there were so many doctors and nurses and once the babies were born, that # doubled!  i mean, at least four doctors and seven nurses at first!  anyway, i had a spinal (i forgot why, but it had something to do with my blood clot history).  before the surgery, i was EXTREMELY nervous about the anesthesia and not waking up.  i was so scared that something bad would happen to me, to my babies... i didn't want to die.  you hear about stories like that all of the time for "routine procedures/surgeries."  the anesthesiologist did his best to reassure me, but before a surgery, i always feel like this.  anyway, it didn't hurt as badly as i thought it would... and, once that had really seeped into my system and done the trick, they brought my husband in.  he asked the anesthesiologist if he could watch... the doctor looked at him with that are you serious?  most guys can't handle it because they get faint, and Gab reiterated that he was, in fact, serious.

so, yes, he watched them cut me open... i'd ask him does it look gross?  weird?  and, he later told me that he didn't really want to answer those questions because of the actual truth.  LOL!  it's funny... they put the open blue pad over my belly for where they were to cut... i felt like i was watching Grey's Anatomy.  :)  they had put the "curtain" over so i couldn't see, but they didn't know that the glass windows to the left which were about 15ft away reflected like a mirror the current happenings.  i felt like i was cheating, but i could see them cutting, a bit of red, and that's it.  and once they did start cutting, i didn't feel anything... what a strange feeling.

it only took about five-ten minutes before they actually got close to the babies... and, the rush of emotions, feelings when they announced that they were close was indescribable... and, when they announced that they were delivering the first one, i was at a loss for words.  it was peaceful, silent, and then a baby wailing as she's pulled from me with a great burden removed from my body... your body can be under anesthesia and numbed, yet you still feel that removal. was almost like an oxymoron.  i cried for my daughter had a healthy cry and i was emotional.

immediately, they whisked her away... i didn't even get to see her.  Gab did, and then, what felt like seconds later, they delivered the second baby, and again, we hear this deep wailing, and i cried again for my second child.  two babies, two blessings in less than one minute!  what a moment!  so, they whisked her away... and, as i was on the table, i turned to look through those glass windows into the room of where they were monitoring the babies in disbelief that those were our children... those were my babies that i had carried for so long, had taken care of, had protected, had fed, had comforted.... i then felt like okay, they're safe.  do whatever you need to do to me because they're safe and that's what matters.

then, they were brought to me for what-felt-like just a moment... first one, then the second, then both of them together... Gab got some not-so-great photos of this moment because we were so emotional.  anyway, i was still being operated on, so i couldn't hold them, and that's when they told me that they had to take them to the NICU because one was having trouble breathing (amniotic fluid in her lungs, which is normal for a baby, but usually through a vaginal delivery, the uterus contracts and the fluid is pumped out) and the other had bruising in spots a vertex (head down) baby shouldn't.  your.worst.nightmare.after.you.deliver.  what a mix of emotions!  it all happened so fast... Gab went with the nurses as they took our babies... the anesthesiologist was comforting and reassured/updated me throughout the entire surgery, especially when i kept asking at pivotal points what was going on... he continued to do that after the babies were taken out of the room, too.

after the OR, they take you to a recovery room.  by this point, i was very out of it.  the anesthesia makes you VERY ITCHY and TIRED.  the spinal prevented me from having feeling in my legs for another six hours or so.  it was such a strange feeling.  still, i didn't care about my body as i was heartbroken because i didn't know what was going on with my babies, my husband... and where was my mom?!  i was the only one in the recovery room and i remember that they got a phone call, and the nurse told me that my mom was on her way... finally, a face i'd recognize!!!  when my mom got there, i started balling and telling her that the babies were in the NICU, Gab was with them, and for her to find out what was going on.  she asked how i was feeling, and i said tired, itchy, and i don't feel the bottom half of my body... i sent her out of the room to find out and update me!  i was quite upset!

after an hour or so, i was taken to my room to recover, and no matter how much i wanted to rest, i couldn't.  i was so tired, but couldn't sleep.  i was too worried about my babies.  later Gab and my mom met me... telling me that the babies were doing better.  here's what they told me:

- both babies scored an 8 at first and five minutes later scored a 9.  

- Gab gave permission for them to have formula (i wasn't happy about it, but obviously, couldn't do anything about that.  i exclusively wanted to breastfeed.).

- they were in the Phoenix Children's Hospital (which, i didn't understand because we were in a separate hospital, but apparently PCH originally started in that NICU.).

- the baby (who had extra fluid around her heart and my doctors were monitoring the amount while she was in the womb) had to undergo tests, especially an echo, but everything came back fine...

- the babies had separate rooms and were so small... 

- the doctor told them that nobody told the babies that they'd be coming out of the womb today... they weren't ready.

i remember my mom kept telling me how beautiful they were and how amazed she was at how they looked so precious and gorgeous (something like that)... and, i barely could remember what they looked like since i saw them for brief moments... i kept asking her if she was being nice and truthful... LOL!

once i finally gained enough feeling in my legs, i was told to start moving around... so, of course, as i took a lap around the nurse's station, i stopped for a brief moment because a bed was in front of my doorway, and... i felt queasy.  yup.  i did.  i kept thinking, oh man, now i won't get real food for longer!  LOL!  i wasn't really hungry or tired, though even though people kept telling me to nap... i couldn't.  i was too anxious to see the babies.  finally, around 7p.m., we went down to see the babies... i didn't know how to feel, but i was VERY tired, and i have photos to prove!!!  also, i was SO itchy!  i felt like tearing my face off!

to go to the other hospital, we had to go down a hallway, in which we entered PCH.  so weird.  lol.  we went to the first room (Coral Bliss'), and i remember feeling distant, unsure of what to do.  yes, she's my child, but i didn't feel close to her.  is that easy to explain?  no.  i felt like when she was taken from me, along with her sister, that immediate closeness/bonding was stripped from all of us.  i understand that it was for everybody's safety, but still... after all of our time together, i felt like i had to reconnect with them.  then, we went to Willow Kate's room, and i was just so in awe that these two babies fit into my body!!!  HOW?!  i mean 10lbs. of baby?!?!  they must have been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon position!  LOL!

friends of ours came that evening to see them... and i just remember being very itchy and tired. at the end of the night, it was strange to leave my babies, after i had been with them for oh-so-long, go upstairs, and sleep in another room... however, we had no choice... by then, though, they were doing remarkably better, which was great news....

later, i will update the rest of our stay... :)
hats off to you if you read it this far! :) :) :)

a soapbox at 18 weeks

tomorrow, we go for our 21-week ultrasound ("u/s" for danielle :)). our previous appointment was very different than any other.

they did the full-anatomy screening on both babies.  imagine having an ultrasound for an hour and a half.  yup, roughly 45 minutes each baby.  the worst part is that the tech was one whom we hadn't had before, and she was quite UNpleasant.  now, i go to u/s every two weeks, and yes, i have questions, AND i have the right to ask any question i want.  for heaven's sake, i have TWO BABIES in my womb!!!  apparently, she did NOT like that and could not multi-task... do her job and answer my questions whenever i asked them.  she got beyond annoyed, and i could tell by her facial expressions, voice, mood, tone, and body language.  for instance, i asked, are we going to be able to compare the fluid around both babies once both babies' screenings were complete?  (for twin-to-twin transfusion which they told us about at our last appointment)  she became frustrated and upset when i asked that and told me that we weren't at THAT point yet in the u/s.  i knew that we weren't at that point, but i was setting the foundation for which i wanted her to point out to me later.  that was only the beginning...

[note: it's UNUSUAL to carry multiples... especially WHEN they're unexpected joys like ours!   it's hard to explain, except i'm sure any woman who has experienced pregnancy has felt this newfound desire to protect everything about the pregnancy/baby.  to know everything, pay attention to everything because it is a RIGHT.   it's a necessity.

well, just imagine your first, you're carrying double, and instead of showing concern for one, you're now responsible for two.  that's where i am.  it's this overwhelmingly feeling of protection, responsibility to my babies, my husband, my family, and especially God.  throw some (sarcasm to it's highest degree) high-risk, 70 mg lovenox injections, twin-to-twin transfusion possibilities in there, and voila!  it WOULD be UNREALISTIC to not be REALISTIC about the situation and concerns that any new mother may have.  we have to prepare for anything and everything.  any answers are appreciated and encouraged.]

normally, we have the most awesome tech... this younger woman (probably late 30's)... she's great about answering questions, providing feedback, multi-tasking, and the face of professionalism!!!  for some reason, we didn't get her this time, which obviously wasn't the best scenario.

for the rest of the visit, she at least reassured us that, once again (for the third time "finding out") that we're having girls.  inside i was LOL!!!  also, she said that the babies are measuring right on schedule for how far along i am.... it's so weird that i have two little babies in there, and every time we go to an ultrasound, i'm genuinely shocked that they're still there.  it's still strange to admit, experience, and feel that i am even pregnant.  i mean, a year ago, i would have laughed if this is where you told me i'd be.... just because i was so sick and almost passing through to the other side... i honestly didn't think there was MUCH possibility in ever getting pregnant after what i went through.  i went through so much medically.

when we finally saw the dr. (who is my fav. by the way, and i hope he delivers my babies since he is well-renowned across the U.S. for multiples), he answered my few questions.  i asked if it's okay to be around my pups (yes), how to solve my problem with prenatals (take two flinstones), if my tailbone's stretching is common (yes, i'm further along than singleton pregnancies since i'm carrying twins), how i deal with heartburn (tum'... 1 every 4-6 hours), and is it normal that i'm having a difficult time coughing/breathing deeply (yes)?

for our 21-week appointment, we are going to the downtown office since it's closer to my work.  since we see a different dr. each visit, it doesn't really matter which location we visit.  we're just praying for healthy baby girls!!! :)

supplements to alleviate leg cramping

i'm 20 weeks.  my chief complaint is leg cramping.   yes, i eat a banana a day in my smoothie.  i drink a lot of water, but it seems to not be helping.  still, i'm awoken several times in the night with HORRIBLE pains similar to my DVT, and i went to sprout's to see if there was any potassium supplement that i could take to help my situation.

the lady told me that actually it was a lack of magnesium which was probably the root of my leg cramping. who would have thought?!  i didn't even know where you find magnesium... meaning, in what food?  well, in LOTS of food!!!  it's in nuts, seeds, whole grains, veggies, beans, etc... AND, she also told me that the root of a lot of diseases, scientists have found, were traced back to a lack of magnesium.... apparently, magnesium is needed by some 300 parts in your body... wowsers!!!  amongst many things, it helps out asthma, blood clotting, leg cramping, allergies, muscle weakness, ADHD (i have most of that right now, especially ADHD my whole life)!!!  here's more information.  AMAZING!!!  i even read that a magnesium deficiency can lead to death due to heart failure!!!

anyway, through more reading, i found that a lack of calcium and potassium also can inflict leg cramping.  not to mention dehydration.  i did pick up a potassium/magnesium supplement.  over the counter, the max amount that they can sell of potassium is 99mg, so my supplement has that in it and 300mg of magnesium.

at my next ultrasound, i will double check with my dr. if it's allright that i'm now taking this supplement. :)

here's Baby Center's information/tips about leg cramping.

are they leg cramps or DVT?

since i have the history of DVT (blood clotting in my left leg) and PE (pulmonary embolism- side of my lung), i started to get super nervous when i started to develop leg cramps in my SAME problematic leg!  it started around when i was 8 weeks, and i went to ER since i had the SAME exact symptoms as my DVT- i mean, the pain hadn't gone away for several days, and for that, i grew even more nervous.

well, i went in, and hours later only to find out that they were severe leg cramps.  oh great, i felt silly and frustrated.  how do you know when they are for real or just the pregnancy taking its toll on you?

all i know is that i mentioned to my dr. and chiro my situation.  the recommendation was to eat a banana for potassium each day.  okay, got it.

then, i started drinking smoothies quite frequently, such as every morning, and regularly, i would throw in a  banana....

didn't develop anymore "cramps" until about 17 weeks... we were staying in CA, and suddenly it's 5a.m., and what do you know!  i feel like i'd rather chop off my leg than scream in pain!!!  the pain was so similar, if not identical, to my DVT, and the thing is- i developed my DVT a year ago at 5a.m.!!!  so, you see why i was extremely nervous....

well, i put my husband right to work to massage my left leg while i was screaming for bloody murder!  who knows how long it took for me to be able to get comfortable again, but the weird thing is- the pain shot to my right leg, and i thought, oh great, how's he going to massage both?  that leg!  no, that leg!  back to that leg!  it was so frustrating for both of us!

then, this past week, again, 5a.m., and bloody murder!  this.pain.was.the.worst.  blood curdling screams.  my right toes felt like they were on fire and going numb, and this pain was just bad.  the following night (or should i say 5a.m. morning?  lol), similar episode, and just felt like my toes were bending weird... know what i mean?  that awkward feeling... well, throw in there some fire-burning feet and annoyingly painful cramps!

FINALLY, i thought- i ran out of bananas!!!  nooooooooo!  need them now!  haven't had them in a few days, which is why i got the stupid, but avoidable cramps!  when we woke up that morning, i immediately sent my husband to go buy some bananas, and threw a few of them into that morning's smoothie!!!  lol

coincidentally, just read that leg cramping is super bad right around now... halfway through the pregnancy!  FYI!

had a minor cramp since then, but seriously... EAT A BANANA each day!!!  if you don't like them, then throw them in a smoothie- tastes yummy!  prevent this awfully painful episode!!!  your sleep, your legs, and your loved one will thank you.  :)

(oh, disclaimer: for a DVT, your leg swells up, hardens like a rock (especially when you touch it- rock hard), red like a tomato, feels boiling hot, and the pain is beyond unbearable.  go to the ER if you have leg cramping that is like that and it doesn't go away!!!)