the delivery...

so, as you all know... our identical twin girls, Willow Kate and Coral Bliss were delivered, via c-section on 12/10/10!  they were born prematurely at 36 weeks, which is common for identical twins to alleviate any Twin to Twin Transfusion problem (one twin getting more fluids than the other or possible brain damage).

as for the actual surgery, they took me into the freezing, lifeless-colored operating room.  there were so many doctors and nurses and once the babies were born, that # doubled!  i mean, at least four doctors and seven nurses at first!  anyway, i had a spinal (i forgot why, but it had something to do with my blood clot history).  before the surgery, i was EXTREMELY nervous about the anesthesia and not waking up.  i was so scared that something bad would happen to me, to my babies... i didn't want to die.  you hear about stories like that all of the time for "routine procedures/surgeries."  the anesthesiologist did his best to reassure me, but before a surgery, i always feel like this.  anyway, it didn't hurt as badly as i thought it would... and, once that had really seeped into my system and done the trick, they brought my husband in.  he asked the anesthesiologist if he could watch... the doctor looked at him with that are you serious?  most guys can't handle it because they get faint, and Gab reiterated that he was, in fact, serious.

so, yes, he watched them cut me open... i'd ask him does it look gross?  weird?  and, he later told me that he didn't really want to answer those questions because of the actual truth.  LOL!  it's funny... they put the open blue pad over my belly for where they were to cut... i felt like i was watching Grey's Anatomy.  :)  they had put the "curtain" over so i couldn't see, but they didn't know that the glass windows to the left which were about 15ft away reflected like a mirror the current happenings.  i felt like i was cheating, but i could see them cutting, a bit of red, and that's it.  and once they did start cutting, i didn't feel anything... what a strange feeling.

it only took about five-ten minutes before they actually got close to the babies... and, the rush of emotions, feelings when they announced that they were close was indescribable... and, when they announced that they were delivering the first one, i was at a loss for words.  it was peaceful, silent, and then a baby wailing as she's pulled from me with a great burden removed from my body... your body can be under anesthesia and numbed, yet you still feel that removal. was almost like an oxymoron.  i cried for my daughter had a healthy cry and i was emotional.

immediately, they whisked her away... i didn't even get to see her.  Gab did, and then, what felt like seconds later, they delivered the second baby, and again, we hear this deep wailing, and i cried again for my second child.  two babies, two blessings in less than one minute!  what a moment!  so, they whisked her away... and, as i was on the table, i turned to look through those glass windows into the room of where they were monitoring the babies in disbelief that those were our children... those were my babies that i had carried for so long, had taken care of, had protected, had fed, had comforted.... i then felt like okay, they're safe.  do whatever you need to do to me because they're safe and that's what matters.

then, they were brought to me for what-felt-like just a moment... first one, then the second, then both of them together... Gab got some not-so-great photos of this moment because we were so emotional.  anyway, i was still being operated on, so i couldn't hold them, and that's when they told me that they had to take them to the NICU because one was having trouble breathing (amniotic fluid in her lungs, which is normal for a baby, but usually through a vaginal delivery, the uterus contracts and the fluid is pumped out) and the other had bruising in spots a vertex (head down) baby shouldn't.  your.worst.nightmare.after.you.deliver.  what a mix of emotions!  it all happened so fast... Gab went with the nurses as they took our babies... the anesthesiologist was comforting and reassured/updated me throughout the entire surgery, especially when i kept asking at pivotal points what was going on... he continued to do that after the babies were taken out of the room, too.

after the OR, they take you to a recovery room.  by this point, i was very out of it.  the anesthesia makes you VERY ITCHY and TIRED.  the spinal prevented me from having feeling in my legs for another six hours or so.  it was such a strange feeling.  still, i didn't care about my body as i was heartbroken because i didn't know what was going on with my babies, my husband... and where was my mom?!  i was the only one in the recovery room and i remember that they got a phone call, and the nurse told me that my mom was on her way... finally, a face i'd recognize!!!  when my mom got there, i started balling and telling her that the babies were in the NICU, Gab was with them, and for her to find out what was going on.  she asked how i was feeling, and i said tired, itchy, and i don't feel the bottom half of my body... i sent her out of the room to find out and update me!  i was quite upset!

after an hour or so, i was taken to my room to recover, and no matter how much i wanted to rest, i couldn't.  i was so tired, but couldn't sleep.  i was too worried about my babies.  later Gab and my mom met me... telling me that the babies were doing better.  here's what they told me:

- both babies scored an 8 at first and five minutes later scored a 9.  

- Gab gave permission for them to have formula (i wasn't happy about it, but obviously, couldn't do anything about that.  i exclusively wanted to breastfeed.).

- they were in the Phoenix Children's Hospital (which, i didn't understand because we were in a separate hospital, but apparently PCH originally started in that NICU.).

- the baby (who had extra fluid around her heart and my doctors were monitoring the amount while she was in the womb) had to undergo tests, especially an echo, but everything came back fine...

- the babies had separate rooms and were so small... 

- the doctor told them that nobody told the babies that they'd be coming out of the womb today... they weren't ready.

i remember my mom kept telling me how beautiful they were and how amazed she was at how they looked so precious and gorgeous (something like that)... and, i barely could remember what they looked like since i saw them for brief moments... i kept asking her if she was being nice and truthful... LOL!

once i finally gained enough feeling in my legs, i was told to start moving around... so, of course, as i took a lap around the nurse's station, i stopped for a brief moment because a bed was in front of my doorway, and... i felt queasy.  yup.  i did.  i kept thinking, oh man, now i won't get real food for longer!  LOL!  i wasn't really hungry or tired, though even though people kept telling me to nap... i couldn't.  i was too anxious to see the babies.  finally, around 7p.m., we went down to see the babies... i didn't know how to feel, but i was VERY tired, and i have photos to prove!!!  also, i was SO itchy!  i felt like tearing my face off!

to go to the other hospital, we had to go down a hallway, in which we entered PCH.  so weird.  lol.  we went to the first room (Coral Bliss'), and i remember feeling distant, unsure of what to do.  yes, she's my child, but i didn't feel close to her.  is that easy to explain?  no.  i felt like when she was taken from me, along with her sister, that immediate closeness/bonding was stripped from all of us.  i understand that it was for everybody's safety, but still... after all of our time together, i felt like i had to reconnect with them.  then, we went to Willow Kate's room, and i was just so in awe that these two babies fit into my body!!!  HOW?!  i mean 10lbs. of baby?!?!  they must have been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon position!  LOL!

friends of ours came that evening to see them... and i just remember being very itchy and tired. at the end of the night, it was strange to leave my babies, after i had been with them for oh-so-long, go upstairs, and sleep in another room... however, we had no choice... by then, though, they were doing remarkably better, which was great news....

later, i will update the rest of our stay... :)
hats off to you if you read it this far! :) :) :)